Oil City Oil Spills Eye NFL Promotion Despite Zero Wins and Missing Helmets

The Oil City Oil Spills are a new team formed this year. With a 25 man roster, they have just enough participants to justify a catastraphe. Coach Numbskull of the Oil Spills is so excited for the new team, he is pushing for the team to be accepted into the NFL.

"We have a history to be proud of" states Coach Numbskull. "Our team has achieved nothing yet but can at least say they exist. That's more than any other team can say this corner of the state."

With the Oil Spills set to take the field against no one this fall, the coach is insisting that the NFL is the league they need to target. Unfortunately, the coach himself does not know anything about what qualifies entering the league. He knows so little about the NFL, he once mistook a traffic cone for the Lambardi Trophy.

Until the team can secure a spot in a league, they are working hard on developing strategies and getting ready for the unlikely games they will likely not play in. The team has even put together a playbook with the title "OOPS! All punts...." It only features plays that involve handing the ball over to the other team.

As for defense, there is playbook in the works called "Hopefully They Trip." So far, it has worked every time in practice against their offense. Contrarily, the offense, which has only experimented with Hail Mary passes, is seeing a 10% success rate- assuming hiting the cars in the parking lot can be considered success.

The team has not locked down a stadium yet since they don't have money to build one. The coach says that they may have to settle for a corn field and trust the wind will blow the corn when they need the fans to react. For the time being, the team is continuing to practice outside the Franklin Courthouse when no one is looking. The coach says that the only thing tripping them up is the sign which says "keep off the grass." According to Numbskull, they are becoming better at playing around the sign.

The NFL has not responded to Numbskulls inquiry likely because it is a stupid proposal. Nonetheless, Numbskull promises with certainty that his team will be in the NFL this year even if they have to sneak onto the field wearing another teams uniform.