How Having a Hay-Bale Tossing Champion Might Advantage the Steelers

A report by the Beaver County Times states that the Steelers’ third-round draft pick is apparently a two-year hay-bale tossing champion. Gennings Dunker, who looks like he was birthed 50 years ago and came here in a time portal, competed in hay-bale tossing competitions for two consecutive years while attending the University of Iowa. We would tell you more, but the article requires a subscription after two paragraphs. We aren’t willing to pay.

What we are willing to do is discuss the advantages of having a man with skills in tossing bunched-up hay at other people. The Steelers have never utilized this kind of strategy before. Given that they have always been a defensive team, attacking opposing teams with heavy objects was never really their style.

Gennings Dunker before college rules changed

This year changes everything now that they have hired Mike McCarthy as their head coach. McCarthy, who has an offensive mindset, will likely bring things to the game the Steeler Nation has never seen. We cannot begin to imagine what this might consist of.

Will McCarthy have his players wear literal steel pads? Will he require everyone to wear cleats with spikes at least nine inches long? The possibilities are endless! However, the hay-bale toss recruitment gives us a subtle idea of what McCarthy plans to do to ensure Pittsburgh gets another Super Bowl.

Dunker may not have a traditional offensive attack. But if he can throw the hay-bale accurate enough, perhaps teams will think twice about sacking the quarterback. Ben Roethlisberger likes to emphasize that a quarterback is only as good as his line. As a rookie, Dunker will be carrying a lot on his shoulders other than a hay-bale. Regardless, knocking opposing players out cold with 75 lbs of hay is invaluable to say the least.