Oil City Mayor to Place Tariffs On Pittsburgh

There is a heated debate among local residents regarding Mayor Blunders attempts to change the name of the Allegheny river. In a press briefing today, Mayor Blunder stated that if Pittsburgh does not comply with changing the name of their river to the Gulf of Venango, he will impose Tarrifs on all imports into Venango County.

What Mayor Blunder fails to understand is that Oil City has not imported from Pittsburgh in over 30 years. Ever since the oil dried up, the city has been too dirt poor to make any major trades.

Additionally, Pittsburgh, despite being the largest city in Allegheny County, is not the capital. Decisions like changing the rivers name needs to go to the Governor in Harrisburg who is likely uninterested in hearing the proposal.

Mayor Blunder is not backing down regardless of these factors. He is determined to have the river changed to "Gulf of Venango" even if it means placing sanctions on Pittsburgh.

In a press briefing this morning, the Mayor stated "I don't know what sanctions are, but we will impose them if it accomplishes this objective." The Mayor of Pittsburgh has not responded likely because he doesn't know Oil City exists.

Mayor Blunder recognizes that trade must resume for tarrifs to have any impact. With Oil Cities oil dried up, the Mayor proposes using the current most valuable resource in town. Local craft vendors are being urged to start producing their most creative garbage and start selling it to people in Pittsburgh. The hottest item on the line right now is mittens made from feathers plucked from baby chickens. If Oil City can somehow influence trade with these chicken feather mittens, then Mayor Blunder can theoretically start imposing tarrifs on what Pittsburgh trades in return.

"I can't imagine a small town like Pittsburgh having any resource as valuable as our chicken mittens" says Mayor Blunder "I hear Pittsburgh is less than half our population, and there are so many chickens here, our future is set!" The Mayor is confident he holds all the cards in the conflict surrounding the Allegheny river. It is just a matter time till we see if his tarrifs have any effect.