Oil City Claims Victory in Superbowl Despite Being Stranded in Ohio

The inconsistencies for each game in the 2026 season were “not the team’s fault,” according to Coach Numbskull. For this reason, he made it his goal to get the Oil Spills to the Superbowl at all costs.

The team started a GoFundMe page but were quickly disappointed to learn that nobody contributed a cent. With the coffee can containing the city treasury still missing, and the residents unable to remember what currency looks like, the Oil Spills had no choice but to pick a direction and start walking.

Uncertain as to whether they would make the game in time, the team had no choice but to start moving. No one on the team knows how to read a compass. All they do know is that no one on the team knows how to read a compass.

The team gave it their best, making it farther than anyone from Oil City ever imagined. Making it past the border of Ohio, into the land known as Ohio, the team now has no idea where they are.

Sunday passed, and the Venango Republic found the entire squad curled up under a bridge off the interstate. Coach Numbskull, who thought the journey would last a couple of hours, was surprised to learn the Superbowl was over.

Before the Venango Republic could inform the coach that the Seahawks are the victors of the 2026 championship, Coach Numbskull shouted with excitement, “WE WON BY DEFAULT!” The team followed suit and began cheering in ignorance.

Our reporters thought about telling them the truth but thought it would be better for our platform just to report the idiocy. At the very least, they are happy, and we get to ridicule their dumb mental state.

Mayor Blunders, as well as the rest of the residents of Oil City, chanted with excitement after learning that the Oil Spills declared themselves Superbowl champions. Consequently, the town held their own parade with the only party materials they could afford from 1996. With no Vince Lombardi Trophy in sight, Mayor Blunders substituted the prize with a plastic Solo cup with the words “Supper Bull Champeons” on the front. The team is currently partying with the most expensive prize the town has seen ever since Margaret’s pies won last place in a carnival that could only afford to give last-place prizes.