Oil City Announces New Recycling Program: “Put It in a Bag and Hope”

It has been several years since Oil City’s recycling program went out of business. The end of the recycling company devastated the region, as it was the last remaining major industry following the departure of oil refineries. Since then, residents have been forced to place their unrecycled plastic in sharp-edged cans at the edge of their yards to act as natural defense systems against unwanted deer.

Many have lost hope in the idea that a recycling corporation will return to the area. Mayor Blunders, however, is optimistic about the future of recycling in Venango County, so much that he has put together a new plan to help draw recycling companies back in. The program is called Put It in a Bag and Hope.

The practice is exactly how it sounds. You put it in a bag and hope the recycling companies will return, recognizing that people can still do business here. We’re not quite sure what Mayor Blunders is thinking. Much of the world doesn’t know Venango County exists, and those who do know it exists do their best to go around it as much as possible. Still, Mayor Blunders seems adamant that if recyclables are placed outside, recycling companies will somehow pick up on the scent and move their factories back to the region.

“We’ve spent many years trying to clean up the streets of Oil City,” states Mayor Flunders. “Now it is time to put the trash back on the roads and to fill our streets with unwanted debris.”

Blunders’ supporters are putting faith in his decision-making and actively putting their trash at the edge of the road. Others, however, are skeptical, stating that this could contribute to worse pollution than the days of the oil industry.

“We’re not quite sure what pollution means,” states Margaret Hobblebobble, a third-grade teacher who’s working her way through the fourth grade. “I hear it’s something really, really bad, like the kind of thing that could cause your tires to blow.”

Opposition to Mayor Blunders’ plan offers no alternative, despite those enforcing this side refusing to back down.

Mayor Blunders states that those refusing to place their recyclables at the edge of the road will receive a higher tax. This, of course, means nothing, since everyone in Oil City is too poor to pay their taxes anyways. Consequently, the addition of trash at the edge of the road will likely complement the houses more than the garden beds, making this the most sensible idea Mayor Blunders has thought of yet.