Mayor Blunders Proposes Historic Trade Deal Despite Pittsburgh Not Knowing Oil City Exists

In a press briefing today held in the Family Dollar parking lot, Mayor Blunders announced a "historic economic partnership" with the City of Pittsburgh. Despite years of attempts to make such trade deals in the past, only to discover that Pittsburgh still doesn't know of our existence to this day, Mayor Blunders says he is confident he will be able to accomplish this relationship as soon as he can afford a phone call.

With Oil City still in the era of using rotary phones, no one has access to google to look up numbers outside of town. Oil City has thought to use the phone book. Unfortunately, numbers have changed since theirs was released in 2002. Mayor Blunders has proposed replacing the phone book with a modern version but has been unable to collect the funds to justify the purchase.

With nobody in Venango County posessing a vehicle, and gas stations completely dried up due to the poverty, no one has volunteered to travel by foot to communicate with Pittsburgh that we exist. Some have proposed imposing a legal requirement on the healthiest individual to take on this task. Unfortunately, the healthiest individual is so unhealthy, he was featured on the last Feed the Hungery commercial.

There is no guarentee that the trade deal with Pittsburgh will ever take place. In fact, it's safe to say it never will. No one is healthy enough to make the walk. And the likelihood of someone from Pittsburgh wandering into Venango County is about as likely as Pittsburgh sending a diplomat to negotiate with a town that still thinks fax machines are cutting-edge.