Mayor Blunders Proposes Bill to Blow Up Veterans Memorial Bridge

In a bold and characteristically confusing move, Mayor Blunders has proposed a new economic development plan that involves the destruction of the Veterans Memorial Bridge - not for replacement, beautification, or traffic flow - but to "create a bunch of jobs cleaning it up and building it back."

"Yes, we could fix potholes or recruit new business," Blunders said at a press conference held outside City Hall, which also is the City Outhouse. "But that's boring. You know what's not boring? Blowing up a bridge and putting the whole town to work cleaning up the pieces. Jobs! Jobs everywhere!"

The plan, titled "Operation Veteran Bridges Falling Down", would reportedly create dozens of local jobs, ranging from certified explosive technicians (aka "Boom Boom Ambassadors") to rubble removal specialists and emotional support liaisons for confused seagulls.

Blunders believes the destruction will jumpstart a much-needed employment wave in the region.

"You gotta think outside the box," he explained, "Or, in this case, blow the box into a river and then hire people to fish it out."

Critics of the plan argue that the bridge is still widely used and kind of important. Speaker of the Venango County House of Representatives, the Mayors sister noted, "This is like burning your house down because you want a new dishwasher."

Mayor Blunders responded by suggesting that house fires also create jobs, and then changed the subject to the possibility of blowing up the neighborhoods.

PennDOT declined to comment directly but did fax the mayor a packet titled "How Bridges Work: A Beginner's Guide."

If the plan passes, Blunders says construction of the new bridge wlill begin "as soon as we can find a guy with a crane and at least three people who own hard hats."' He also hinted at a groundbreaking ceremony featuring a kazoo band, free hot dogs, and a possible appearance by the town's only known juggler.

Council will vote next month. Until then, the bridge remains standing - and the town, once again, is left wondering if the real infrastructure issue is in the mayor's head.