Mayor Blunders Increases Tariffs On Pittsburgh to 50 Percent

"We are going to get the Gulf of Venango," Mayor Blunders told the press as he hammered his fist. "OUCH!" were his final words before medical aid came for his broken hand.

One year ago, Mayor Blunders of Oil City signed an executive order to have the Allegheny River changed to the Gulf of Venango. Unfortunately, Allegheny County holds the rights to the name. Blunders has imposed tariffs on Pittsburgh for more than a year with no payment received, primarily because we don't trade with Pittsburgh anyway.

"They have nothing to offer us," Mayor Steelhead states. "I like Blunders as a person. I really do! But Pittsburgh has achieved so much that we just can't name the river after a declining county."

Blunders was put off by hearing this. So much so that as of this morning, he has increased the tariff percentage to 50 percent on all imports and exports.

"I try to make Blunders think this is working because he is such a good personality," Steelhead told the press. "When I pass through Venango to get to Erie, I sometimes stop for a McDouble and pay the extra 'tariff' so he thinks it's working."

At some point, Steelhead says that Blunders needs to stop calling his office. The secretary states she is tired of deleting his voicemail messages. Steelhead now regrets sharing this detail, however, realizing that now the calls will probably be used in place of a tariff.