Mayor Bighorn Begins Campaign Against Indiana County

On a cold Friday morning, Indiana County soldiers anxiously await an unavoidable conflict promised to strike their northern border. As privates sit and sip their coffee, an unexpected barrage of Nerf darts fire upon their strongholds.

Indiana soldiers prior to nerf attacks

Indiana County has not seen war ever since 1887, when Jefferson County broke free from the Christmas tree capital of the world, establishing the Groundhog Day Accord. After Jefferson County liberated themselves from an eternal winter, Indiana County has kept their borders clear of any invaders through diplomatic agreements to ensure as much peace as possible. Now, it seems that nothing will prevent that.

The first shots rained on their industrial city of Northpoint at approximately 5:57 this morning. Immediately, one of their troops was struck in the head with a Nerf dart and fell to the ground unconscious. Soldiers returned fire, throwing as many Christmas tree ornaments as they could. They were unsuccessful in preventing the enemy from progressing forward at a consistent pace.

By 6:09, elk troops were within 20 feet of the fortified city, forcing Indiana County troops to resort to ancient Grecian tactics. Utilizing Trojan technology was the means by which they hoped to prevent the elk from finding an entry point. The resources gathered from their party college town of Indiana, capital of Indiana County, were unsuccessful in keeping the elk from breaking through.

As we currently speak, Indiana County forces are in retreat, being forced back to their capital of Indiana. Sources say that at least four have been struck by Nerf darts. Only one is still living. The others got hit by a car.

Indiana forces retreat

Mayor Treeface of Indiana, capital of Indiana, is ordering all residents to be prepared to take up arms. Since artificial Christmas trees are known to lose their branches easily, locals will need to be ready to replace them with new ones.

The elk have already begun to extend the neck of the empire branding. If the Christmas tree capital of the world falls, then Elk County will be able to claim Christmas as an elk holiday, void of any white European traditions. Additionally, Western Pennsylvania will become corrupted with a mixture of Indiana party-spirited pride and year-long elk mating season tendencies. It will become like a Western Pennsylvania elk Las Vegas, overrun by Mayor Bighorn's species. We need to move on before this becomes anything but family-friendly.