Clarion Hit With Blizzard in Wake of Elk’s Groundhog Day Control

It has officially begun. Elk County has committed seasonal sabotage on Clarion County. After threatening to exercise their power over the Groundhog Day accords, western Pennsylvania is now seeing what Mayor Bighorn of Elk County is willing to do to gain power over the neighboring counties.

Residents of Clarion woke to mounds of snow covering the streets Thursday morning. With Jefferson’s capital of Punxsutawney in the hands of Elk County military, political threats have been made to extend winter past their usual six weeks. The first example of this threat of universal control over western Pennsylvania has resulted in Clarion residents becoming victims to a Christmas season they don't want.

"My coats were packed away along with my Christmas decor," states Mrs. Barhopper. "This is the season where I recover from constant complaints about what my children didn't get for Christmas. Now that trauma will resume."

The psychological tool of Elk County's political dominance is unlike anything experts have seen. Researchers at Clarion University predict an increase of child whininess to levels never before seen if Elk can successfully convince younglings that Christmas is possible beyond the month of April.

As Elk County troops march on to the city of Clarion for direct engagement, County War 1 is now shifting in favor of the enemy, who has most recently been named the Zugnar Alliance. So far, the only county finding success in the Zugnar Alliance is Elk County, whose neighboring allies, East Crawford and Warren County, have struggled to succeed in their invasion attempts. Now, it seems that the Elk are the force to be reckoned with and the treaty of PLATO must decide how they must manage this crisis.