Allegheny, Washington, Beaver Counties Come to Agreement

Southwestern Pennsylvania is working towards a safer future as the three major superpowers have finally negotiated their own treaty. Coverage of today’s meeting in the Oval Office of President Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh showed the county leaders disputing among each other in what many call the most essential policy between each region.

Mayor DamBuilder of Aliquippa, capital of Beaver County, states that it has always been his intent to secure a treaty for the well-being of his fellow beaver citizens. Nonetheless, he argues that he could not reach an agreement if Allegheny County refused to cut trade costs on the Ohio River leading to Aliquippa.

"We need those funds to build our Beaver County Military," Mayor DamBuilder expressed in a press briefing this morning. "Allegheny has secured the Ohio, forcing us to pay full price for the export of logs we cut down with our teeth. We are not going to pay that price anymore knowing our dental care is more important."

Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh was not intending to budge on the tariffs placed on logs imported into his county. His ultimate decision on cutting costs was influenced by the close relationship Beaver County has with Washington County.

"Washington County has cannons being produced daily in Canonsburg," he told the press just after negotiations finalized. "We cannot afford to have those cannons pointed our direction. Otherwise, the Steel City will be catching lead."

Mayor George Washington of Washington County agreed to the standards laid out by Steelhead. He will keep the cannons turned south toward Greene County. In return, Pittsburgh will continue supplying metal to help them produce better cannons.

"We are fearful about supplying such metal to Washington County, given they have expressed interest in taking Mount Washington back by force," Mayor Steelhead told the press. "Fortunately, our citizens are all metalheads anyway. We are prepared for any cannon fire if such a day comes."

The treaty ensures the neighboring counties will come to one another’s defense if attacked. So far, Allegheny’s closest tensions exist with Butler and Westmoreland Counties. Butler keeps sending their druggies down, while Westmoreland keeps trying to push west to get more land. Each of them is really a bit of an irritant rather than an actual enemy. Nonetheless, the treaty will hopefully send a statement that Allegheny now has allies.