Ten Dead People Who Haven't Made National News this Week

We here at the Venango Republic believe in freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and freedom of hypocrisy. We also believe in the right to expose hypocrisy for the sake of comical relief. Why try to please everyone when you can make everyone mad?

A lot of attention has been given to some random woman who got shot in the face on Wednesday. Obviously, the nation must mourn due to the politics surrounding her death. Whether she was a complete prick with Karen like tendencies, or an angel in human form, we must not question these things since she conveniently died at the hands of a controversial government agency. All that is important is that we share this grief as if one death equates to an all out holocaust.

By the way.... Here's a few meaningless lives that ended recently but weren't worth talking about on major news networks.

Christmas Day Mexican Standoff

We don't want to talk about this one because a Mexican trying to run from a Mexican in Texas could easily spark political speculations. That is really close to crossing the line.... No, we are not talking about the border you racists!

Shooting A Guy is A Strange Affair

Had this been a senator, we certainly would want to talk about him. But some random guy in Pensylvania getting shot for cheating? He's a nobody because his sacrifice did not advance a political agenda.

I Guess He Deserved it????

We are absolutely all for talking about childcare centers and defending their existence before audits are complete. But lets not use a kidnappers death to help speak out against abduction. Parents have enough to deal with. Losing a kid is probably a load off thier plate anyways.

Old and Fearless

Hmmmmm.... This happened the same day as the lady shot by ICE..... He probably only had a year left before dementia anyway. Let's not talk about him....

Accidental Death Not Horrific Enough I Guess

Guns are dangerous. But lets not use an accidental shooting to emphasize this point on a political network. Lets just wait for the next psycho to shoot up a school and then go after guns.

It's Time to Play Family Fued!

Florida man stories we will mention. Florida woman? Nah! So she shot her brother... What was his life worth compared to somone shot by ICE?

I Just Wanted 3 Cents Off My Gas

It should be obvious that mass shootings refer to much more than one person. Of course we can't make this a national headline. Plus, we can't cover a gas station because that's a minimum wage job. Had these guys chosen a mall or something and killed at least a dozen, this would absolutey be worth mentioning on CNN or MSNBC.

3 is Still Not Enough

We know what you're thinking. CBS News posting this headline and it's only three people at a gas station? We looked closer and it's apparently CBS Miami. That is technically local news. However, had this made it up the chain to CBS National, we would have a lot of questions about their credibility in reporting on what lives really matter.

Road Rage Turns to Gun Rage

Who knows if this guy was almost run over or not. His life is not worth our time.

He Just Wanted to Meet The Mayor.... With A Gun....

No! Absolutely not! This is local politics! Not Federal! Try rushing the White House next time! Oh yeah.... he's dead....

Conclusion

Let's just face it. Most of our lives are not worth a thing unless we die at the hands of someone who can be tied to a political message. Oh! And as for those people who kill someone instinctively or by accident in a moment of uncertainty, we are one hundred percent ok with news networks bashing them as if they don't have wives, children, and a reputation built on more than a single mistake they might not be proud of. It is perfectly fine to pretend that people handed guns with instructions to go into a city to perform a controversial task aren't nervous for their own lives. It is completely incomprehensible to think that they fear the possibility of not coming home to their families after seeing mobs surrounding them. Ladies and genlemen, your lives only matter when they fit a political statement.