How the Winter Olympics Hopes to Compete with Franklin on Ice

The world is waiting anxiously for the biggest annual event this side of isolation. With the 2026 Franklin On Ice event kicking off this Saturday, many are excited to watch chainsaws massacre chunks of frozen residue in an attempt to create majestic figures that probably won't last the weekend. What does this mean on an international level? Absolutely nothing! But we are still going to exaggerate, hoping it brings the boom days back!

Experts fear once again that coverage of the Franklin On Ice event will cause viewership to plummet for the Winter Olympics. Despite the population of the Earth increasing exponentially over the last century, statistics show a major decrease in audience size the last ten times the Winter Olympics took place. This is all thanks to Franklin On Ice stealing all the viewers when it falls in the same time frame.

"Every four years we have seen tens of millions of people tune in the first few days of the Olympics," says the Director of Winter Sports. "Unfortunately, the day Franklin On Ice starts, our numbers plummet with the loss of at least four of our audience members."

The committee overseeing the Winter Olympics have tried everything to compete with Franklin On Ice finding no luck in the process.

At first, they tried placing the attractions in poor communities like Venango County. To their dismay, this move keeps backfiring with impoverished residents displaced.

Another strategy the Winter Olympics has tried to mimic is the massive cost overruns which Venango County has masterfully used to draw millions of tourists to their cities. Two famous examples are the eighty-thousand-dollar bridge lights that have drawn absolutely nobody since 2017, and the fountain that cost roughly two hundred thousand, which also remains covered for three quarters of the year.

"We have tried to copy this strategy used by Venango County officials," the Director stated in frustration. "Unfortunately, those four viewers always stop watching NBC the minute Franklin On Ice begins."

The Winter Olympics has tried everything. From abandoning stadiums like the warehouses dating back to the oil boom, to image cleaning the cities the same way Venango enthusiasts pretend welfare people don't exist. No matter what they do, young viewership keeps decreasing like the kids who grow up and do everything to get out of northwestern Pennsylvania.

"It's a hard pill to chew."

It isn't....

"I guess we just have to accept that those four viewers are more interested in ice sculptures than they are the Olympics. As hard as it is, we just need to be content with our tens of millions of viewers."