Ranking the Areas Top News Sources

The Venango Clarion region consists of 5 sources to inform the community on public affairs. Each resource sets itself apart with different methods of delivery to their consumers. The Derrick News-Harold for instance, still delivers a news paper to the homes of their subscribers. For those of you born after 2007, a news paper is a physical object with news written on it. They also have a website that requires a paid subscription because aparently they don't make enough off their physical papers to keep their website running.

To think, for a paid subscription I can be informed on events that are probably posted to Facebook for free!

Explore Clarion and Explore Venango are online platforms delivering news for free with the help of sponsorship. We would make a joke at their expense, but we want Explore Clarion to approve this article on the What's Happening in Clarion County page, so...... I guess you win this round.......

The Venango Republic also depends on its own sponsorship delivering news free of charge to their subscribers. The difference being, while Explore Clarion/Venango informs people on real issues, we inform our viewers on both what is happening and what is not actually happening in the region. You could say we specialize in making stuff up.

The Venango Republic also sets itself apart in that our entire staff is fictional. This helps keep the cost of labor low while also helping to make what we do a meme. As for the sponsors, they don't exist either. This way we can make much more revenue on fictional dollars rather than struggling to make real money.

This leaves one final news source that honestly, does not even come close in the competition. Not Explore Clarion, an amature source run by some guy who lacks the funds for his own fictional staff, posts articles once every winter solstice. The guy writing these articles also informs people on stuff not happening in Clarion. Unfortunately, he is so inconsistent, we are starting to wonder if he still exists. We wish he would come back so we could troll eachother.

The Venango Republic has worked hard gathering statistical data to determine which news source has the greatest following. Unfortunately, we have so few inside connections, we have to weigh it by the likes on each Facebook page.

According to Facebook.com, Explore Clarion blows every major news source out of the water with a following of 49 thousand people. The only news source not to make this list is Not Explore Clarion. This is arguably because they don't have a Facebook, and because we don't like them.

Come on Not Explore Clarion! Take a shot at us! We want a rival to stomp on!

One could easily look at this chart and assume the Venango Republic falls below every other major news source in the region. However, this is only one category. Let's not forget that the Venango Republic specializes in news about things that don't exist. This includes a massive audience that also does not exist. This warrants a second category.

According to statistical data, which we made up, the Venango Republic has an audience of 50 billion people who do not exist! This exceeds Explore Clarion, Explore Venango, and the Derrick, all of which fail to have any audience that doesn't exist. In fact, each of their followers are real making them inferior in this category. The only one to come close is Not Explore Clarion, who not only has no existing audience, but also has a Facebook page that doesn't exist.

Unfabricated results on non-existing followers. Not Explore Clarion, Not Making List.....

It goes without saying that the Venango Republic once again has proven to be number one in a category that the real news sources cannot seem to beat. Interestingly, our fake followers also exceed the real followers for every news outlet. This makes us the number one source in the region!