Oil Spills Show Up to NFL Draft: Go First Round Without a Pick
- Jeremy Jetfuel
- Apr 24
- 2 min read
The Oil City Oil Spills have miraculously made it to Pittsburgh without getting lost. The first day of the NFL draft is over, and Coach Numbskull, as well as his team, are still sitting, waiting for their chance at a pick that will never come.
Coach Numbskull still doesn't get the message that the NFL doesn't recognize his team. After an entire year of showing up to a cornfield every Sunday, the absence of opponents didn't seem to hint to Numbskull that his group is not in the NFL.
What's even more embarrassing is him insisting that his 0-0-0 record makes him the first undefeated team in the modern era. Numbskull not only celebrated the team's absences as the opponents forfeiting, but continued showing up to his cornfield until a week before the Super Bowl. That's when his team started hiking west for California.
Numbskull's Super Bowl dreams were not fulfilled like he assumes. While attempting to show up for a game that would not have gone well, the Oil Spills went missing. Days after the actual Super Bowl was over, the Venango Republic went looking for the team only to find them under a bridge past the border of Ohio.
Everyone was crying but found their spirits lifted when we led with the phrase, "the Super Bowl is over." Before we could explain that the Seahawks beat the Patriots, Numbskull replied, "WE WON BY DEFAULT!" The place was in an uproar.
Now, the team is thoroughly convinced they were the 2026 Super Bowl champions. With no knowledge of where to get a trophy, President Mayor Blunders gifted them a red Solo cup with his best spelling.
There are six rounds of the draft left. Several NFL teams have lots of work ahead of them. Meanwhile, Numbskull is sitting with his players in the back row, clueless as to what is going on. He doesn't even know what players he would choose if he got to pick.
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