Greenland Gains Sudden Popularity After Everyone Ignores It for Centuries

The world is preparing for the scariest moment it has faced since that virus with a 99 percent survival rate killed a bunch of people. Reports state that without context, President Trump will do things the “hard way” if Denmark refuses the easy way. Whatever the hell that means.

Meanwhile, the world reacts to the king of vague statements, implying that he intends an invasion. I mean… he technically did not say that himself. It could be he means it, but the phrase “hard way” could also mean it’s going to be really hard for him to figure out how to get Denmark to sell Greenland.

NATO has responded for what may or may not become a literal “cold war,” promising to come to the defense of Denmark’s cold climate and the citizens divided over whether or not they want a McDonald’s.

President Trump speculated to the media this week that the nation refusing to attack NATO members around Ukraine will likely take over land belonging to a NATO member.... Don’t they have some kind of agreement to defend each other or something? It kind of sounds like he just wants the resources and needs a better excuse.

Instead of offering to send troops to help defend against Chinese Russians, the president has now provoked NATO so that we don’t have to send any of our own.... That is kind of genius when you think about it.

With the rest of NATO now sending troops to Greenland, the issue of protecting the land from communists is now resolved. The fear of a potential overthrow by Chinese Russians can no longer weigh on us now that Trump has successfully tricked the rest of NATO into finally pulling their weight for the first time. Meanwhile, we have the satisfaction of knowing that if Trump still tries to take Greenland, it really was about the resources this entire time.