Eagles Demand Willy Eyelash Give Up Her Nest After Comments About Eagles

It's been several weeks since the Granny Award ceremony took place in Shippenville, Pennsylvania. In that time, many people have simply forgotten about some of the nonsensical things that were stated at the region’s weirdest gathering. Not the local bald eagle population, however.

Reports say that bald eagles all throughout the region are demanding Willy Eyelash give up her nest after making her controversial comments about eagles and the land that was stolen from them. Consequently, the eagle population finds it ironic that Eyelash lives in a nest of her own with a value that exceeds what most eagles can afford.

The comment that rocked the community came when Eyelash stated, "No one is an eagle on stolen land." Most of the audience had no clue what she was talking about and chose to clap anyway. Not the eagles, however. They were furious.

"I'm an eagle," states Mr. Born Bald. "Is she suggesting I don't exist just because the settlers stole this land from us?"

It was later discovered that Eyelash has a nest valued at over seven hundred dollars. That is more money than the average Clarion resident takes home in a decade.

Her nest also features a human-sized bird bath, a bird feeder bar, and the most expensive bird seed one can buy from Tractor Supply. Meanwhile, the eagle population is forced to settle for mice they hunt with their bare claws.

"I don't get a paycheck with the food I hunt for," Born Bald told the media. "My kids also get first serving. Plus, if I can't find any food, my older children eat the weakest child!"

Meanwhile, Willy Eyelash continues to enjoy her nest on the tallest tree in Clarion. She has wide open space and an observation deck featuring a roof in case it rains. All this after pretending eagles no longer exist.