Brig Niagara Thinks Everyone Speaks Flag
Crew members for the Brig Niagara find themselves shipless after a flag nerd somewhere in Erie recognized the numerical implications of flags people know nothing about. Not much detail has been released other than what political affiliations pertain to the crew and their former employer. What can be determined is that they seem to think those flags were recognizable enough to make some kind of difference.
Most observers of the Facebook post were neither inspired nor put off by the flags until it was revealed they had numbers attached. Now, everyone gets to pretend they were smart enough to understand the underlying message. So.... I guess we can fight over flag implications now.
"If the flags suggest that a 47 can be preceded by an 86, I don't know what else they could be telling our children," states one local who fears numbers have supernatural powers. "I had to look at the chart so I know how to recognize when they are holding three sixes in a row. I don't want my kids exposed to that!"
The chart they are referring to is the International Flags and Pennants..... Yeah.... We haven't heard of it either....
Oh! That chart! Gee, if you would have mentioned Foxtrot, Kilo, and Lima, we would have known exactly what you were referring to.....
"I would have been put off by it if I only saw the numbers," states Mr. Myopinions Shifteasily. "Their choice of using flags representative of the numbers instead instantly showed me the light. I saw each specific flag and was like, 'Wow! That's what they've been trying to get me to understand.'"
Now that the cat is out of the bag, locals are forced to be hyper-aware of what flags could be implying based on their uncommon use. Businesses have already begun removing paper towels from their bathrooms for fear of people getting the impression that their hands are dirty.
Another local man has gone so far as to remove the "oversized load" flag from the back of his semi in case people get the impression that he is fat-shaming trailers during transport.
"This incident has really shown me what to keep away from my kids," states Motherof Childrenwhowillrebel. "I discovered my kids have been keeping a magazine with 3 identical flags that depict an 'X' on the cover. I was sure to throw it away once I realized those flags were nude."
While the message relayed to viewers is disputed between inspiration and offense, we here at the Venango Republic would like to acknowledge the girl on the far right of the picture, holding flag number 7. For all you simpletons, that's the red and yellow one.
It's hard to tell since her face without our blur still has a blur. Nonetheless, we strongly believe her to be the one who suggested we do an article about a waterslide attached to the Bicentennial Tower.
Fortunately, we were able to capture an image of that person the day she made that suggestion. A side by side collage can be seen below, showing their similarities.
The ships for each photo are not the same, meaning we could be wrong. However, if that is in fact the woman we assume, we want to say thank you not only for inspiring that first article, which drew more than a thousand people to our website, but for once again playing a role in helping us write something about Erie. We're just sorry to hear you've turned to a life of provocative flag images that supposedly gaslight observers unaware.
While the matter could have been resolved by simply taking the picture down and pretending flags don't have numerical significance, everyone now understands that the four crew members holding those offensive depictions of flagnagraphy are preverse in their choice of pennants (big word for flag).
The Venango Republic is ashamed that we showed those flags. We will correct our mistake immediately.
Good! Now everyone is a flag virgin.
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