The Venango County Stock Market is a mix of various failed investments that never seem to go anywhere. This year, investors thought there was undoubtedly a potential for chicken beaked can openers. Unfortunately, the product line failed to produce interest due to the fact that the idea is stupid. From pig skinned t-shirts to vomit colored toilets made of rotting wood, there just does not seem to be enough successful variation for investors to choose from. Nonetheless, there does seem to be one product that consistently brings in consistent revenue yearly under the Oil City Veterines Bridge. This product is a bit controversial because those selling it seem to become rich while those purchasing it are ruined for life. We here at the Venango Republic thought it would be worth noting this one product line so investors know where the real money lies in Oil City and the surrounding county. According to sources, drugs are arguably the most profitable industry in the county. With revenues reaching to insurmountable proportions, it goes without saying that the drug lords of the bridge connecting the North and Southside are probably the biggest investors of the regions. Their revenue is so profitable in fact, the Mayor has considered taking out a loan from them to help balance the city budget. The question remains... Should investors take this step despite the fact that it is not technically legal? According to the drug lords, they have been getting away with it for years because their customers keep voting in representatives who do nothing to stop them. This seems to indicate that for now, it is a safe option. No! We are NOT advocating it! We are just making a joke you freaks! For those who understand the satiracle message behind this article, please translate this sarcasm to the Oil City representatives who have every ability to do something about this yet choose not to. It's pretty pathetic that your towns most profitable product is a substance that ruins people for life. Take a hint. Those of us with brains want you to do something to remedy this.

Jeremy Jetfuel, lead journalist at the Venango Republic, has been arrested on allegations involving frog fighting. According to sources, Jetfuel may have been a main contributor in making frogs fight for crowds of gambling drunks on a weekly basis. Sources suggest this may have gone on for nearly three years. Jetfuel is waiting in the Oil City prison, which currently is also the McDonald's bathroom due to renovations. His hearing takes place tomorrow at 3 PM and could result in him spending up to 2 hours in jail with a bail of a buck seventy five. Jetfuel insists he is innocent and claims that the frogs were planted in his garden bed without his knowledge. Nonetheless, the court of public opinion is weighing against Jetfuel as local animal rights activists are protesting. "We are furious at these events" says one protestor "those innocent frogs were abused unfairly. We're just happy they now have a safer home at the local high-school science class where they can be dissected instead." Jetfuel may not be returning to the Venango Republic if these charges are proven to be true. We will keep you up to date on this situation.

The local Family Service and Children's Aide Society is revolutionizing their business model by advertising in the most low budget way possible. According to sources within the organization, the former CEO made a major move by placing a sign outside the building. Jason Bourne, our advertising specialist who formally was program director of Youth Connections, states that the former CEO took his advice to advertise hard core after he was fired. According to Bourne, the organization let him go for presenting radical ideas on how to promote their cause. "I was in a board meeting where I presented the idea of putting five dollars down on a Facebook advertisement that would reach 500 people" states Bourne "I wanted to started with a super low number and ease them into investing more heavily in advertising." According to Bourne, things did not go well when he presented the idea of putting five dollars down on a Facebook post. "Are you insane?" Stated a board member "we can't spend that kind of money!" Word got back to the former CEO who we will call MuriahTate AndAshley. According to Bourne, he was fired for simply knowing what it takes to make a business successful. The organization had told Bourne that Youth Connections was becoming harder for them to justify keeping. They needed someone with vision to help make it worth while. Unfortunately, Bourne over estimated how much 5 dollars on an ad would cripple an already sinking ship. The company has come a long way since commiting the blunder of firing Youth Connections only hope. Nonetheless, we here at the Venango Republic, including Jason Bourne, believe heavily in the cause of helping troubled youth. With this said, we figured we will still help promote their cause considering that they haven't got the memo that placing a sign outside their building won't do crap. They may not have had any sense in how to advertise, but at least the cause is still worth public attention. It's also worth noting that since July, new management has come in and MuriahTate AndAshley is no longer directing the organization. We have no idea what the new management is like and are not out to scold them one bit. We truly believe that FSCAS offers great public services and we want to encourage people to support this nonprofit as much as possible. We poke fun at the stupidity of firing a guy over a five dollar proposal. Nonetheless, we encourage people to take part in Youth Connections.

The Mayor of Oil City is taking intercounty conflicts to a whole new level by placing tariffs on local restaurants. According to Mayor Blunders, tariffs are the genious way to get Oil City out of its state of poverty. Blunders wants to completely eliminate the local tax code and simply depend on tariffs to generate revenue for the small town of Oil Dump. "Donald Trump is completely right about tariffs" stated Blunders in a press briefing today outside of the City Outhouse "we must place tarrifs on the surrounding counties and anyone who appears Asian..." We here at the Venango Republic were a bit taken back by what appeared to be a racial slander. Our reporters asked the mayor to please repeat that just in case he meant to say caucasion. "Of course" stated Blunders "we must place tariffs on everything Asian...." Watermarked Jeremy Jetfuel standing stunned by what was just said...... Y? Our reporters were quite stunned by the unexpected statement made by Mayor Blunders. Surely he was not trying to suggest people must have tariffs placed on them just for being Asian. "I am suggesting that people must have tariffs placed on them just for being Asian...." HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!! Mayor Blunders did just go there! What the hell is he even thinking?!?!?! You can't say these kinds of things in 2025! According to Mayor Blunders, he doesn't know who else to put tariffs on. He has tried doing it with other surrounding counties and it goes nowhere because they don't actually trade with us. However, Blunders loves Chinese food and is always making purchases at the local Chinese restaurants. This he says is the only logical place to enforce his tariffs. "I tried placing tariffs on Walmart and was escorted out of the building by State Police" stated Mayor Blunders "the only other people I can think to get money out of are the Asian restuarants in our region. They gotta have money. Isn't our country in debt to those people or something?" We decided to end the press briefing here before this got out of hand...... The Venango Republic takes no responsibility for the insensitive comments made by the fictional Mayor Blunders. He obviously has been living in Oil City 30 years too long..... Additionally, we reserve the right to continue to exist after this article because, just like Jimmy Carr and Family Guy, we were trying to stirr the pot with this article.

You read that correctly. The need for beef is so high that cows are now having to seek employment at the slaughterhouse. This came after the constant push for plant based burgers in Venango County drove the residents to protest the vegan ideology. According to sources, Bill Gates has been trying to push for isolated regions to accept plant based burgers as an alternative to real meat. Gates says he believes that this is an ethical choice and perfect alternative to killing innocent cows. The reality is that he has money invested in the industry and just wants to push his product. Venango County residents are not having it. After a protest outside of the Oil City Center Hall, which is also the City Outhouse, politicians have appealed to the local dairies to stop pushing so much milk product. Cows are now forced to change employment to the less desirable meat market. "I am really disapointed in this sudden need to change employment" stated one cow, who did not actually say this because cows cannot talk "I was making a good living off of producing milk and now I have to settle for a job that is a sure dead end." We intended that pun.... The local cow population is trying to organize itself to protest against the protestors. Unfortunately, their hooves cannot feasibly hold up signs at their rallies due to the lack of thumbs in their gene code. This makes the reality of more beef inevitable. As for the cows who are unable to successfully organize, they have been permitted one vacation day to spend with their families prior to starting their new employment. It is believed they will use this time to reflect on the good old days of dairy dominance. The age of beef is upon us and the age of got milk commercials is long past. Time to embrace the future of cow resources and put these plant based burgers to rest.

A burglar has been caught 3 hours after making his gettaway from the Southside Oil City Bank. According to reports, the man made off with all 30 cents within the vault making this the biggest heist since the oil boom period. The man has been identified as Frederick Waddlepubble. According to police, the suspect robbed the bank because he has struggled to make it big as a performer at the Barrow Civic Theater. The man has been detained and unfortunately was the last performer to work for the Barrow leaving them with nobody to do their plays. The Barrow says that they are fine with losing their final performer as their plays were far from quality experiences anyway. Mr. Waddlepubble will serve a life sentence in Venango County which in itself is like living in prison anyway.

This is a very difficult time for the staff at the Venango Republic who frequently visited the Infusion Bar. Being we are based in Oil City and have low self esteem, we would often make the drive to Infusion just to observe and feel better about ourselves. The crappy dance floor, unmaintained bathrooms, and lowlife management helped remind us that there are things more decrepit than Oil City in existence. Nobody on our staff drinks alcohol. Oil City has not driven us to that point yet. Nonetheless, our journalists would often order rounds of Infusions boneless chicken wings to help lift their spirits. Those chicken wings are the only thing our staff liked about the bar, which is why we are desperate to make negotiations for them. It goes without saying that reparations must be made for the insensitive comments which were made by the manager at Loomis. We here at the Venango Republic have thoroughly thought this out and have determined what must be done. Firstly, the manager who made those comments must agree to enter a French fries bobbing competition where the fries are floating in a grease fryer at five thousand degrees. We believe sticking his face in the grease will be an improvement. Secondly, the owner must agree to get a swirly in the toilet that was never maintained in the men's bathroom. Frequent visitors of Infusion know what we are talking about. You could literally see the vomit in the bowl from preexisting hangovers. Thirdly, the establishments must surrender their boneless chicken wings as reparations to the community. This includes giving a portion to the white people because let's face it, even though we weren't the target, those wings were freaking good. Fourthly, the management must agree to eat their crappy dollar mini tacos to see what the hell they put their customers through. Yes, we here at the Venango Republic think those tacos were crap. Fifthly, all college staff members who walked out must be given their University degrees by default because they freaking owned it! Sixthly, the Doofis from Loomis must be forced to listen to that "black music" he doesn't like. The man will be locked in that rundown Infusion dance room with the music he hates only to be fed those horrendous dollar tacos. Finally, the owner of both bars must denote himself to janitor and clean those freaking bathrooms with his tongue. And you the reader must also agree to follow us on Facebook. Click here .

Mayor Blunders of Oil City has reached a peace treaty with Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville after a three week long war that has failed to get anywhere. The Venango Republic has followed this conflict closely since the space race between the two major cities began. Now however, it looks like the war is over. According to Mayor Blunders of Oil City, the Venango Republic has gone too long not thinking of any interesting ideas for his war with Eastern Crawford. Consequently, he has no choice but to end the war and bring his troops home. Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville says that losing two solders to the potholes at the mall was enough for him to realize this war was a mistake. The lives of his people are too important for him to risk any more casualties. With this said, the Venango Republic has been instructed to end this war between the neighboring counties and to call it a cease fire. According to Blunders, a new border line will be drawn with several blue buildings. These buildings will feature a bunch of tough looking Asian guys staring at eachother for hours every day. Blunders and Dumbdumb state that this border will be refered to as the Despitballerization Zone. For short, it will be called the DBZ. DBZ on Route 8 just outside of Titusville People will be forbidden passage outside of Venango County and must worship the image of Mayor Blunders from now on. Attempts to excape will result in severe punishement of renting apartment space in Oil City. As for the people of Crawford, they will be the North Korea version of this conflict despite the fact that Titusville is a piece of crap too. People trying to escape the tyrany of Mayor Blunders will seek a life of refuge in Titusville because Venango County has made them that insane. Blunders states that anyone attempting to cross the border between Venango and Crawford is to be shot down by spitballs. People attempting to enter the county illegally will also face dire consequences for being outside aliens. Blunders and Dumbdumb predict this conflict may last for decades. But to be honest, it probably will only last until we run out of ideas.

The Venango Republic spends a lot of time poking fun at the county for it's lack of appeal. What you might notice however is that we do very little negative publicity surounding Franklin. This is because, unlike Oil City, Franklin actually manages to maintain a charm that sets it apart from the rest of the region. They do not claim to be some major tourist trap like Oil Dump, and for that reason, somehow attract businesses worthy of praise. Once again, we're stepping slightly away from the satire to give a semi serious perspective on the local community. This article will highlight what actually is good about Franklin and specific businesses that give it the charm that Oil City lacks. These businesses are the kinds that are absolutley worth stopping by if you are driving through. They may not be Time Square tourist traps, but that is exactly why we love them. They are just simple businesses that are better than you expect in a place like Venango County. West Park Guitar West Park Guitar on a very blurry day This is arguably the most unexpected businesses to have a foothold in the county. Not just for the fact that Venango is a far cry from Nashville, but also for the fact that the quality of this stores instruments are fairly decent. The shop owner is well versed in guitar rig setups and very resourceful to his customers. Despite his walls always being full of instruments, they are always changing indicating that people shop here frequently. If he doesn't have what you're looking for, he has resources to get what you need to his store. The best part is, he is a great business man and well knowleged in everything pertaining to performance, sound, music, and whatever else you can think of. The store is small, but has an appealing layout unlike other local businesses that look like a trash heap. This guy actually puts a lot of effort into making this shop look professional and appealing. It is definately worth checking out! West Park Guitar on a very clear day Bella Cucina Bella Cucina..... What's a cucina????? Once again, we have to ask how in the world is a business like this existing in Venango County? No, it is not an 81st floor Marriot Hotel kind of experience. But it certainly could be 5th floor Pittsburgh dining experience. The food is not super expenive, but the layout of the restaurant would make you think this was for formal attire only. I walked in and immediately feared I would get thrown out by some bouncer for not wearing a tux. The interior is incredibly pleasant, and if you are trying to get a romantic date night without having to drive an hour and a half, we do recommend this place. Your girl doesn't even have to know you spent the same as you would have at Pizza Hut. Bella Cucina dining area. Tree leaves are not edible. What makes this experience so thrilling is that the layout looks formal. At the same time, you have menu items that are unique. When I ordered, the termonology was completey unfamiliar to me. I happen to be one of these regular guys who says "I'll take a cheese burger with some mayo." The menu was more like "I'll have this highclass sounding food I have never heard of before." Ordering was a step of faith because I actually did not know what I was getting. All I knew was that I felt like I was getting a rich mans experience with a 15 dollar meal. It was really cool! Bella Cucina bar. Menu excludes Nyquil. To add to the class of the restaurant, they also have a fancy bar area with a huge selection of drinks. The table clothes and silverware contribute to the formal appeal. When summer weather rolls in, there is also an outdoor seating area with the same charm as inside the restaurant. We highly recommend this restaurant and consider it another honorable mention for Franklin. Iron Furnace Coffee Iron Furnace in the form of a brick building that isn't actually a furnace Something nice about Franklin is that along the same stretch, there are a number of businesses with varying traits helping to give the town its charm. One of those businesses is the Iron Furnace Coffee. Personally, I was not able to verify if they actually use an iron furnace to make their coffee. The coffee was made behind the corner out of sight which seemed very suspicious as to whether they really use an iron furnace or just a keurig. What can be determined however, is that this coffee shop has a young vibe to it. That is something that many businesses in the county lack. When you walk into the Iron Furnace Coffee shop, the immediate sensation is that it feels modern. Almost like the person running it knew what a coffee shop in 2025 should look like. Iron Furnace Coffee seating area. Chairs are not vinyl. They have seating areas in the back with records to play. Yeah... That technically is not modern, but that's exactly what young people like in a modern coffee shop. They want something vintage and classic to accompany the experience. It makes the atmosphere unique which is appealing in it's own right. The food is fantastic at this location. I've stopped by twice in the last week and ordered their cinamon rolls. They taste fresh and delicious. As for the seating, they have this really long table that takes up half a football field. This way, you can experience game of thrones dining with a coffee shop breakfast. Crosswalk Retail Shops Crosswalk Retail Shops with no crosswalk outside The Crosswalk Retail Shops consists of two stores in the same location. The Boho Daisy Botique and the Home Town Hype Custom Apparel. What is most impressive about this location is the professional appeal of the stores layout. Interestingly enough, the Home Town Hype is only one store but comes across as if it could be a part of a chain of stores. Sharing the same building on the left when you walk in is the Boho Daisy Botique which is primarily women's clothing but will soon feature childrens as well. Signs in each window for people who can read Both shops are highly invested in community fund raisers and other causes. Between the two you will find a custom apparel shop that offers screen printing, abroidery, and laser engravings as well as retail items ready for purchase. On the other side you will find fashion designs to peak womens interests. We typically try to finish these descriptions with a punchline but can't think of anything so..... Make up your own joke here..... Make up your own joke here too.... Smoke Cantina Smoke Cantina, no smoking allowed. Smoke Cantina is another example of a restaurant with a young vibe. The restaurant is narrow but has a decent seating capacity. Menu options are unique with reasonable pricing. Rather than this being a super formal experience, it presents itself as a cozy hangout restaurant possessing a modern cafe vibe minus the cafe. The bar is small but has a good selection to choose from. We will also mention the weed growing from the ceiling is legal. Smoke Cantina without the smoke. The Olive Vault If they run out of olives, it's not our vault..... Intentional pun..... The Olive Vault is a really cool feature to the downtown Franklin experience. The interior is well presented with a flashy kind of look. Again, our biggest praise to Franklin is the fact that they make their businesses look modern. The interior is very appealing with lots of different options in olive oils, balsamic vinegars, sauces and other culinary essentials. The business features a tasting area where visitors can sample the various options in their product line. The only thing this store does not feature is the oversized carts people use at Cosco.... You know, like those mothers who grab the cart the size of a dump truck but tell their kids "put that back! We're only here for the samples!" Oh yeah... This is Venango County.... You people probably don't know what a Cosco is....

A man just outside of Pleasantville is convinced his sign actually had an impact on the 2024 election results on a national level. According to Jeremy Thinkbig, the giant Trump sign in his abandoned field was the very thing Donald Trump needed to secure this years election. Thinkbigs Trump sign that nobody sees Sources say that an average of three cars drive through pleasantville on the route passing Thinkbigs sign. According to Thinkbig, it doesn't matter because the size of his sign makes up for the lack of people seeing it. Thinkbig plans to continue using his sign for political influence for the few people who drive past his property. He believes that by the next election cycle, he will have engrained conservative belief in 95 percent of the US population thanks to his sign.

ICUP Seneca has lost another patient this week after their special miracle cure failed to perform a miracle. According to sources, Jenifer Deathwish has just passed away after being injected with the drug which is a product of Venango Campus. The drug has already killed 6 patients this week leaving doctors wondering if this is in fact a cure for anything. Deathwish was admitted to the hospital earlier yesterday due to a sore throat. Doctors tried everything they could to get her to feel better. When surgically removing her lungs failed to help her situation, doctors then resorted to beating her with a baseball bat. This also proved to only create other issues. Doctors finally resorted to a miracle drug produced by Venango Campus. Professors at the college say they had much success spraying the Raid on bugs such as bees and watching them perish. In theory, the drug should have the same effect on diseases in the body. Deathwish was injected with the Raid at 3 PM yesterday after waking from her coma. She imediately fell back asleep and has failed to wake up again. Doctors say that her heart seems to also be taking a rest as it has completely stopped beating. Doctors believe that this miracle drug produced by Venango Campus may not in fact be a drug at all. If it is, they say it probably serves a different purpose than what it has been used for.

Mayor Blunders has officially gone on the offensive in the war efforts against Eastern Crawford County. This came after Eastern Crawfords failed invasion of Venango resulted in two of their soldiers falling into the Cranberry Mall potholes where they have not been seen since. Mayor Blunders of Oil City stated earlier this week that with Seneca and Pleasantville in enemy hands, it is necessary to take the offensive approach and attack. Two troops were instructed to march onto the City of Titusville with heavy spitball weaponry in hand. The two set out yesterday morning and just reported in minutes ago. According to the report, the two soldiers went the wrong direction and are currently stranded in Butler. Mayor Blunders of Oil City is gathering all available resources to try and get the two soldiers back. Unfortunately, the only resources available are a skateboard and can of beans. Blunders has instructed his troops to eat up the can of beans in hopes that the gas build up will propel the skateboard in a forward motion. While we are waiting for the two soldiers to return, it is expected that Eastern Crawfords capital of Titusville will attempt another attack this week. This of course depends on whether our news writers can think of any other ridiculous stuff to write for our platform.