Venango Republic Proposes Solution To Explore Clarions Dam Concerns

Explore Clarion came out with an article recently discussing major consequences to a dam that was built more than half a century ago. The article was long and impossible for our smartest staff members to retain because.... Well... It's 2025 and nobody has the kind of attention span to read that ridiculously long article....

Nonetheless, we were able to conclude based on the information given that there is some dam built in Warren that was proposed in 1936. For some reason or another, the federal government delayed building it because 60 dead people was not a big enough deal. Consequently, water flowed until they eventually built the dam to keep it from doing so.

Now, more than half a century later, Explore Clarion wants the dam to be reconsidered..... I guess we'll just take it down now..... I mean.... We can do that if you want....

We have a much better solution. From the information given, we able to determine that the building of the dam flooded property and caused more damage that it was meant to prevent. Because this has happened before in other parts of the country, we have decided to learn from those people as a means to justify the dams existence.

As we all know, the Hoover Dam in the western part of our country also flooded lots of land destroying valuable property. Instead of coming out with an article complaining, they simply called the flooded area Lake Mede and now drink from it in California. We propose Pensylvania do the same thing. Below are some potential names for the newly formed flooded areas.....

1. Gulf of the Allegheny

2. Warren Peace

3. Flooded Wasteland

4. Wasteland Covered In Love

5. Nobody Wants To Live Here Anyway

6. What Native Graves Did We Cover?????

7. Dammed If We Thought This Would Happen

8. The Natives Will Forgive Us When Their Generation Dies

9. What the Hell Is A Kinzua?

10. Who Knew This Dam Existed Before Explore Clarion Brought It Up?

11. At This Point We Aren't Making Names... We're Just Being Trolls

12. Lets Tear Down The Dam Then Rebuild It Then Tear It Down Again.... Then Rebuild It.....

13. Who Of You Knew A Flood Happened In The 30s? Does Pittsburgh Even Remember?

14. Let's Flood Oil City Next!

15. Shouldn't Warrens News Be Covering This?

16. What The Heck Is Clarion Supposed To Do Half A Century Later?

17. The Federal Government Won't Even Address The Natives At Mount Rushmore.... What Makes You Think They Care What This Dam Did?

18. Ban Water!

19. No More Water! Only Fire And Brimstone!

20. May The 60 Rest In Pieces

We here at the Venango Republic believe strongly in the American way of dealing with disasters that come about from our mistakes. When you create a giant structure that causes more harm than good, just ignore those impacted and come up with some name to glorify your structure. We understand what Explore Clarion is trying to accomplish in writing their phone booked sized novel on the disasters that came about from building the dam. But lets face it, it's so much easier to do what the government has always done and just sweep things under the rug. We barely have the attention span to read their article let alone acknowlege the mistakes of our ancestors. Lets just find a positive thing to glory in about this dam. I mean come on! Every silver lining has a black cloud around it. Especially in Northwestern PA.