Study Finds Moving Faster Gets You Places Quicker

A recent study from Venango County Campus found that moving faster helps people get places quicker. A laboratory experiment consisting of 3 slothful Oil City High-school athletes put in a relay race with 3 slothful Cranberry High-school athletes found that those who ran fastest got to their destination before the fat slower kids.

A donut was placed on a string for the kids to chase. As the car dragged the donut along the pavement, it was discovered that Venango County students don't seem to mind if their food has been drug all over the ground before they eat it. Despite the donut being filthy, the students still chased it because they are gluttons.

The first to catch the donut was William Fatternityleave. According to Fatternityleave, he is the most slim child in his school at 472 pounds. Fatternitty successfully caught the donut by making an earthquake which flipped the vehicle as he ran.

The other students got nowhere close to catching the donut but instead came away with severe injuries. For instance, one students stomach hung down too far and the running gave his belly rugburn. Another student also suffered severe burns when his legs rubbing against eachother caused his pants to catch fire.

There's still a lot of research to be conducted in this area before Venango Campus can determine to what extent running can help you get places quicker. What can be determined is that the athletes for Venango County high-schools see little difference being they can only run as fast as they walk.