You walk by a shop expecting it to be a rundown antique store with junk the owners trying to get out of their garage. What you find instead is a crazy worthwhile experience to blow you away. OK, this isn't taking a trip to space in Elon's Space X. But it is something that you'll raise your eyebrows to in surprise. When you see the mechanics of the instruments inside Debence Music, you'll be amazed by what people were able to accomplish before Chat GPT. Not your thing? Stop being so Debencive and just try it! Imagine a world with no technology. Just wood, nails, guitar strings, and a generation of numskulls who think Johnsons Snake Oil will cure the common cold. In the midst of these numskulls you find creative minds that build unique instruments like the Berry Wood AOW. The what you ask? Just look for yourself.... Why not destroy your pupils while listening to an ancient instrument? No, this does not run on Chat GPT. And no, despite the instrument having highbeams, it cannot play The Weekends Blinded By The Lights. What it can do however is demonstrate the creativity of people who literally had no circuit boards in their generation. The fact that so many instruments are working in sync with eachother just in this box speaks to the masterful engineering behind the unit. Our lead journalist tried smuggling it out but they made him put it back.... What's most interesting about the Debence music collection is that many of the instruments are the last examples of their kind. Upon entry, there is an entire walkway on the right side of the first level with giant sized one man band instruments that have everything excluding the man. These last remaining examples are unfortunately unable to breed little baby versions of themselves because they're already dead.... Space heater not the last of its kind.... One of the most interesting pieces in the Debence music collection is the White Obnoxious Hummer. This ancient piece of technology is believed to date back to 1792 as an invention of Thomas Edison, who wasn't even born until 1847. The White Obnoxious Hummer litterally only makes one consistent anoying sound that is enough to drive you insane. You plug it into the wall, and while using the moisture in the air as fuel, the instrument generates a loud abnoxious sound that goes GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! That's how you spell the sound it makes...... The instrument can hold a note for as long as it can fill the bucket beneath it with water. The instrument must be emptied when the bucket is full for it to continue. White Obnoxious Hummer cannot produce alcoholic beverages Much more impressive than the White Obnoxious Hummer is the Wellershaus Fairground Organ. Despite having a name that sounds like a barbecue sauce brand..... Wellershaus..... This instrumental giant has an impressive history. Believed to date sometime before 1904 as a barell organ, the instrument had a surgical proceedure which transitioned it to an instrument capable of playing book music. It now classifies as a transiberian orchestra. The instrument likely traveled throughout Europe with a carnaval or circus before coming to the USA in the 1970s. Eventually, it was purchased by Jake (not from State Farm) in the early 1980s. It was initially declared unrepairable by professionals. Debence said screw it and began repairs in 2001 proudly declaring on their information sheet that repairs have been completed. So take that professional repair men who deemed this unrepairable!!!!!! Wellershaus is better than A1! The section consisting of almost extinct instruments has numerous impressive examples of human engineering. Unfortunately, we wasted so much time on the dehumidifier joke we can only show you pictures in the collage below. We have other sections of this museum but we will conclude this part of the article by saying we highly recommend checking this out if you really want to have a fun day. Howver, if you want to have a miserable day, then don't come..... "We are the last of our kind.... We must stand together!" Epic movie line in the upcoming Debence Suspense film. Just around the corner from the "last of our kind" section, the Debence Museum exhibits some of the first examples of Thomas Edisons wax cylinder recordings. These recordings are perfect for anyone who doesn't want the convenience of an MP3 player that can hold thirty thousand songs. Why not instead lug around thirty thousand wax cylinders. They are only limited to four minutes of audio which is perfect for people who want impractical options. The new Edison car has 100 cylinders. Zero horsepower because it runs on wax. The wax cylinders feature a nice vintage sound so that you know they are not modernly made. That helps sell the idea that they were not modernly made. Do not light a wick on the cylinder. The museum also features fragments from Edisons first attempts at wax cylinder recordings. Apparently, the first examples were extremely fragile and prone to break. We were unable to determine if these were those fragments or just chips off his skeleton. Last remaining fragments of Edisons famous song "you broke me like a wax cylinder" Want something even more inconvenient than lugging around an arm full of wax cylinders? How about the Regina 27' Dual Comb Disc Music Box? This thing could potentially replace your old grandfather clock. It's so huge it contains what looks like a Chinese cymbal on the inside which rotates to make the music. The only difference is that if you hit this one with a mallet, the Debence Museum will hit you with a lawsuit. There is probably an app for this kind of thing..... Want an obnoxious orchestra blasting noise in your face? Look no further than the Wurlitzer 148 Band Organ s/n 4020. With 18 horns pointing directly at your face, this is the perfect option for giving yourself a heart attack. Sleeping through your alarm? We're sure we can sync this to a timer.... Horn box playing its favorite number "Gone With The Woodwinds" As you exit the main section, you will find a shelf with multiple stuffed frogs. Yes, these are real frogs disected and stuffed with saw dust. We just figured you ought to know the Debence family had a dark side. It really does contribute a whole lot of nothing to the museum. We would have been more impressed if the frogs could sing "hello my baby hello my honey" while dancing with a Kane in their hand. Unfortunately, they're dead.... Jeremiah was a bullfrog.... We just don't know which one.... Jeremiah was then frozen.... It looks like Jeremiah's done..... One of the museums biggest annoyances is people dropping off records on their doorstep. For heavens sake people.... It's a museum.... Not a goodwill!!!! The museum requests that people wanting to make donations first contact them directly to see if they are interested. This was disappointing for us to learn since we really wanted to drop off a lawn mower. Nonetheless, people do still drop things off after hours forcing the museum to either throw them away, or try to put what they recieve to good use. An example of their creativity is the gift shop. Let the collage speak for itself.... A collage can't speak for itself because it's dead... Once you're through with the main level, there's always the basement which contains many more instruments dating back to our ancestors. This level has countless organs with what we initially thought to be cup holders on the edges. Turns out you aren't supposed to set your Bud Weiser on these things. We had to learn the hard way.... Count Dracula apparently needs a beer for each hand.... Actually, those happen to be candle holders. That explains why they got mad about the Bud Weiser.... The basement also features creepy looking mannequins who look like they're tired of living in that basement.... The addition of the cigarette just makes sense.... The staff referred to the basement as a less impressive area. But honestly, you would still probably get a kick out of what you see down there. From a player piano, to upright organs, to creepy looking mannequins, there is a lot to unpack in this section. But we have no jokes for the basement. So we will leave you with this collage because we like using that fancy word.... Piano addicts would love this place. Piano Addicts Anonymous meetings every Friday at 3. When finished with the first two levels, there is that occasional possibility of going upstairs to the second floor. This section has a lot as well but primarily has two instruments the museum wanted me to focus on. That's because these two instruments were likely created by extraterrestrial beings. Firstly, there is the Janko Piano which obviously requires a creature with 23 fingers. Now you can play and type at the same time.... Secondly, there is the Theremin. Despite having a name that resembles a character from the Lord of The Rings trilogy, we suspect that the Theremin is also used to contact extraterrestrial beings. Either that or it's trying to mimic teenage drama.... Theremin cannot communicate with the dead... We suspect that Mr. Sulu used the instrument in the following picture to pilot the star ship Enterprise. The museum denies this and called us insane for suggesting such nonsense. We know this is yours Sulu. One last noteworthy feature of the second floor is the mysterious messy room in the back. This room is off limits to the public, but we did manage to get a picture. We suspect that this is where they build their extraterrestrial instruments. Do you see the Alien? The last level of the Debence Museum features a concert room with seating that can't decide which way to face. Rebel seats watching piano instead of stage.... The concert hall features a piano with self playing capability due to mechanical functions more advanced than your bathroom toilet. The USB outputs lead us to suspect this does not date back to the 1800s. What we were able to verify is that the piano can communicate telepathically with other instruments across town using WIFI. USB from Edisons time.... There are several concerts to come. Information can be found in the picture below. To reserve tickets for the events already past, contact the museum and listen for them to hang up on you. If you are reading this after Nov 7, 2025, you are too late! The concerts are done! Go home! The Venango Republic would like to thank the management at Debence Antique Music World for allowing us to get a look at the collection in their museum. This was truly a thrilling experience and something we are grateful to have been a party of. Also, we are truly sorry for trying to smuggle the Berry Wood AOW out in our back pocket. It was such a nice instrument and we couldn't resist the urge. We initially weren't sure if we wanted to try but eventually decided to try to take it rather than just being on Debence about it.....

The Something Clever Fashion Show is set to kick off this Saturday at the Bella Cucina Resturant. With completely new ownership, many shoppers are waiting in anticipation for the upcoming event. We here at the Venango Republic got the privilege of a VIP escort to the police station after trying to break in to see what they are hiding. With no information on what to expect this Saturday, we felt it was appropriate to cover what not to expect since we litterally do not know what to expect. Clever Hats Cartoon caps make you smarter Don't be fooled by the name. Just because they claim there is something clever about this store does not mean they will have hats capable of giving your mind intelegence. They may have good fashion designs, but this is still Venango County. Meat Cleavers We are not sponsored by Sabatier. We just stole their picture. The problem with the word clever is that it spells almost the same as cleaver. This could lead people to believe that Something Clever is actually a meat grinding company. We figured we should make it clear that this fashion store does not offer prime cut ribs. Men Blurry man who was forced to attend by his wife..... I mean.... Unless you really want to..... No judgement here...... Elephants We dare you Bella Cucina! Just try this! We are fairly confident that Bella Cucina will not be able to fit an elephant inside their restaurant on this occasion. Even if they got a baby one, they would have to lower their seating capacity which would mean less money. Gerber Baby Food Painful childhood memories Unfortunately, the restaurant does not serve this. The only likelihood of this showing up at the event is if a mother brings her child and provides her own Gerber food. An alternative option is also to vomit up half digested spinach. Pinata Last years disastrous pinata attraction Unfortunately, despite how fun it would be to see blindfolded fashion models missing the pinata and accidentally hitting eachother in the head with a bat, the new ownership cannot risk the potential lawsuits. Also, you know you're bad at Spanish when someone says gracias and you respond pinata. Fanny Packs Venango County Granny Fanny Pack Society Look, we know it's Venango County..... But come on.... Even we are way past this..... Ewoks What you see when you look inside the Bella Cucina tree These will definately not be present because they are not real..... Cow Manure Mayor Blunders home A great source of nutrition for crops, this farmer favorite will not be making an appearance at the fashion show because it doesn't make any sense. Michael Jackson Michael Jackson standing on Bella Cucina table. He held this position for 3 hours..... Unfortunately, Mr. Jackson will not be able to make it to the show. He is currently burried in too much soil. While you might consider this joke insensitive, we here at the Venango Republic would argue that he has no dirt on us. The fashion show takes place April 26th in the year 2000 plus 25. Doors open at 11:30 AM because PM is ridiculously late. Reservations are full and all attempts to make further reservations will be rejected. To make a reservation that will be rejected, call 814-412-4955. A soft opening will follow the fashion show that unfortunately consists of products we are not able to prepare you for. You are just going to have to show up and act surprised. Either that or peer into the window before the event to try to get an idea of what's to come.

Members of the blind and illiterate communities are furious at McDonald's right now after a legaly seeing literate person pointed out a sign they were not able to decifer. According to sources, Mcdonald's has had a sign in their drive through informing drivers that braille and picture menus are available. However, it does not use illustrations or braille writing for the drivers to understand. Actual sign outside third drive through window at Cranberry McDonald's "We have been using this drive through for years" says the Three Blind Mice "Every time we drive through, we are sure to run our hands up and down the walls just in case there is information relavent to us...." The Three Blind Mice have depended heavily on the associate to inform them of the menu options. But no one ever told them they could be handed a braille menu if they just drove around. The illiterate are also outraged now that they realize they have been mislead to believe that only menus with words were available. One member of the community named __________ couldn't give us his name because he didn't know how to spell it. He too is considering legal action as soon as someone can write up a lawsuit for him. Another complaint people have is the transparency of the sign. The sign discussing accommodations for deaf people has a white backdrop. However, the one addressing blind people is clear as if they wanted it to be harder for them to notice it's there. McDonald's has chosen to deny the signs existence claiming that the legaly seeing literate population is lying about what the sign actually says. According to the manager of the fast food restaurant, the sign actually says "we welcome people of all backgrounds." It is unclear if the blind and illiterate communities will believe the managers story. One thing is for sure though; they are going to have a difficult time proving it.

A recent study from Venango County Campus found that moving faster helps people get places quicker. A laboratory experiment consisting of 3 slothful Oil City High-school athletes put in a relay race with 3 slothful Cranberry High-school athletes found that those who ran fastest got to their destination before the fat slower kids. A donut was placed on a string for the kids to chase. As the car dragged the donut along the pavement, it was discovered that Venango County students don't seem to mind if their food has been drug all over the ground before they eat it. Despite the donut being filthy, the students still chased it because they are gluttons. The first to catch the donut was William Fatternityleave. According to Fatternityleave, he is the most slim child in his school at 472 pounds. Fatternitty successfully caught the donut by making an earthquake which flipped the vehicle as he ran. The other students got nowhere close to catching the donut but instead came away with severe injuries. For instance, one students stomach hung down too far and the running gave his belly rugburn. Another student also suffered severe burns when his legs rubbing against eachother caused his pants to catch fire. There's still a lot of research to be conducted in this area before Venango Campus can determine to what extent running can help you get places quicker. What can be determined is that the athletes for Venango County high-schools see little difference being they can only run as fast as they walk.

The Razor Wire Tampons company is being sued for a recent decision to come out with a new product line. According to sources, the Taser Wire Tampon line caused a woman to break her hip when the got stunned and fell off the toilet. The company CEO is facing major backlash for failing to warn users of the potential harm. According to CEO Tampon Tampoff, the label strictly says "do not use if you have common sense." Tampoff argues that if the woman used his product, she obviously recieved the result the product was meant to produce. On the opposition, Miss Shirly Imdumb's attorney says that his client was not expecting a full body tase. Instead, she only wanted a shock big enough to keep herself happy that afternoon. Imdumb is suing the the Razor Wire Tampons company for delivering taser levels too high for her body to handle. Tampoff suggests that the taser tampon products are meant to break hips. However, he has no idea why Imdumb was using his product on the toilet in the first place. When asked what he thought tampons were used for, he simply answered "aren't they like a woman's survival tool for camping in the wild or something?????" This explains why he thought razors were a good idea.... The hearing takes place next week. If the defense loses, Tampoff will not only have to buy Imdumb a new hip, but will be forced to give her a lifetime supply of taser tampons..... We aren't exactly sure why she wants them either......

Wanting to experience the joys of the steel city but can't make a trip to Pittsburgh? Well then you might want to consider Iron City. Located just a few miles outside of Clarion, Iron City has loads of nothing to do! With no skyscrapers, industry, and a population of about 2 people, Iron City is the perfect Pittsburgh substitution for people who can't take a hint that cities are supposed to have buildings.... The big Iron City smaller than the tiny Shippenville Iron City literally has no iron at all.... We aren't quite sure why they chose to use the terms iron and city.... Nonetheless, you'll get a huge kick out of the skyscrapers that litterally no one can go inside but wood peckers.... Tops of Iron City skyscrapers I mean technically buildings are made of wood, and trees are wood, sooooo.......... SKYSCRAPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! In addition to the highrises of Iron City, visitors can also visit the only nonwooded area for no good reason at all..... Mini open field that serves no purpose Why would you do this? Because you're insane and have no life! Duh! One thing tourists are encouraged to avoid are the slums and backstreets of Iron City due to all the thugs and drug dealers...... Backstreets of Iron City. Listen to the sign! Those children are thugs! The backstreets of Iron City are incredibly dangerous and unpredictable. Visitors must be aware that the drug cartels are hiding in plain sight in areas other than this. A little further down the road and you may run into peddlers. People are encouraged not to give them money because they probably already own the house behind them. Iron City peddlers Yes sir! There is so much to do in Iron City. From walking, to walking, to walking, to just complete walking, you'll never ever get an experience like iron city..... Except everywhere else in Western PA.....

Another brick has gone missing off the Southside Catholic Church building whose name escapes our memory because that's how long it's been since people used it. According to sources, the brick just suddenly disappeared from the top right corner and hasn't been seen since last night. Police are investigating potential theft believing someone intentionally climbed the scaffolding to take the brick from the crumbling building. This will be the second investigation police have had to perform this week on that same street corner. The very same morning the brick went missing, police also had to investigate the murder of a man whose head was caved in with a brick on the sidewalk next to the Catholic Church. Police say that the brick used to kill the man is partially red suggesting there is no connection between the two incidents. If anyone has any lead on the brick which was stolen, they are encouraged to contact the OCPD immediately. That stands for Oil City Police Department..... Right now, the police department has no phone due to budget cuts, so people with leads will just have to yell in that direction. It's a small town so they are bound to hear you. Anyone who has possession of the brick is encouraged to return it immediately and donate mortar if possible. The Catholics would do it themselves, but unfortunately are not allowed to get their hands dirty after all the sex scandals.....

The Titusville Rockets are known for those ugly brown uniforms that literally have nothing to do with rockets. Additionally, they are known for possessing a name that also has nothing to do with the town. We here at the Venango Republic had to dig hard to find out the history behind these nonsensical decisions. The answers will surprise you. There's literally no reason behind them at all! The school just lacked inspiration and decided to go with concepts that make no sense whatsoever. According to sources, there litterally is no reason whatsoever these concepts should have even been considered. "The town is ugly. There's no doubt about that." Says Mayor DumbDumb of Titusville "but the ugly brown uniforms came at a time when the town wasn't so ugly which causes one to wonder if they were predicting we'd one day be a slum...." Some historians are wondering if rockets were an aspiration for the town in the days of the oil industry. With speculation going around that there are actual rockets that were never deployed, it has been suggested that the brown represents the rust they're collecting. One thing is for sure, much like business owners sticking around Titusville, the name and colors still don't make sense in 2025. In fact, they never really did make sense at all. The team probably could afford to change everything about those uniforms and their name. Well.... Considering they have no money.... I guess they technically can't afford it at all....

Explore Clarion came out with an article recently discussing major consequences to a dam that was built more than half a century ago. The article was long and impossible for our smartest staff members to retain because.... Well... It's 2025 and nobody has the kind of attention span to read that ridiculously long article.... Nonetheless, we were able to conclude based on the information given that there is some dam built in Warren that was proposed in 1936. For some reason or another, the federal government delayed building it because 60 dead people was not a big enough deal. Consequently, water flowed until they eventually built the dam to keep it from doing so. Now, more than half a century later, Explore Clarion wants the dam to be reconsidered..... I guess we'll just take it down now..... I mean.... We can do that if you want.... We have a much better solution. From the information given, we able to determine that the building of the dam flooded property and caused more damage that it was meant to prevent. Because this has happened before in other parts of the country, we have decided to learn from those people as a means to justify the dams existence. As we all know, the Hoover Dam in the western part of our country also flooded lots of land destroying valuable property. Instead of coming out with an article complaining, they simply called the flooded area Lake Mede and now drink from it in California. We propose Pensylvania do the same thing. Below are some potential names for the newly formed flooded areas..... Gulf of the Allegheny Warren Peace Flooded Wasteland Wasteland Covered In Love Nobody Wants To Live Here Anyway What Native Graves Did We Cover????? Dammed If We Thought This Would Happen The Natives Will Forgive Us When Their Generation Dies What the Hell Is A Kinzua? Who Knew This Dam Existed Before Explore Clarion Brought It Up? At This Point We Aren't Making Names... We're Just Being Trolls Lets Tear Down The Dam Then Rebuild It Then Tear It Down Again.... Then Rebuild It..... Who Of You Knew A Flood Happened In The 30s? Does Pittsburgh Even Remember? Let's Flood Oil City Next! Shouldn't Warrens News Be Covering This? What The Heck Is Clarion Supposed To Do Half A Century Later? The Federal Government Won't Even Address The Natives At Mount Rushmore.... What Makes You Think They Care What This Dam Did? Ban Water! No More Water! Only Fire And Brimstone! May The 60 Rest In Pieces We here at the Venango Republic believe strongly in the American way of dealing with disasters that come about from our mistakes. When you create a giant structure that causes more harm than good, just ignore those impacted and come up with some name to glorify your structure. We understand what Explore Clarion is trying to accomplish in writing their phone booked sized novel on the disasters that came about from building the dam. But lets face it, it's so much easier to do what the government has always done and just sweep things under the rug. We barely have the attention span to read their article let alone acknowlege the mistakes of our ancestors. Lets just find a positive thing to glory in about this dam. I mean come on! Every silver lining has a black cloud around it. Especially in Northwestern PA.

Jeremy Jetfuel has officially been found not guilty after his hearing yesterday. Allegations of an illegal frog fighting ring in his backyard were pending with Jetfuel facing a potential 2 hours in jail. Unfortunately, the accusers were unable to prove Jetfuel had such a ring because he is actually not a real person and only a fake character we made for our staff page. The inability to prove Jetfuels existense stopped the accusers cold and Jetfuel was able to walk out of the courtroom with no charges on his head. Jetfuel will be returning immediately as our leading jouralist and is writing this article you are reading right now. The Venango Republic accepted Jetfuel with open arms and we are happy to have him back on our staff.

The Venango County logo has officially been voted the least inspired effort in the history of our planet. According to sources, the creators of this logo couldn't have put any less effort into a logo than taking a snap shot of the Franklin courthouse and pasting it into a circle..... I mean really.... Why not just take a picture of your kitchen sink? A logo that sucks! According to surveys around the world, which we fabricated because we want to troll the county for this, Venango is known for its low quality effort in creating stunning logos. For instance, the former local FM radio station WKQW used this as their logo..... Ugly bland preschool drawing Obviously this man is a master of photoshop.... And what about the names of local sports teams? The Oil City Oilers.... Who I remind you also have a logo that is an oil tower.... Unusable oil tower Does this town not get the memo that the oil dried up? And why is your school colors blue? Oil is black! You should be wearing black uniforms! Actually, no! Just change the name completely you weirdos. There is no oil heritage! They left no inheritence behind! And then there is the Oil City "Fine Arts Council" who somehow desinged a logo that fails to consistute as "fine art." Amateur Art Council logo No, Venango County is not overrun with these terrible logos. There just happens to be a few businesses that think we are still living in the 70s. They'll catch up.... Not! Back to the Venango County logo. You people in charge of this can really afford to do something about your poor design. I mean.... Come on! You want people to be impressed right? Get on Fivrre, explain to an entrepreneur what the heck a Venango is, and let them design a decent logo for you. I guerentee you can get a good one for less than 20 bucks. Oh yeah.... That exceeds the county budget....

After major backlash on the What's Happening In Clarion County Facebook Page, The Venango Republic posted to thier Facebook platform that they would not longer be covering the Loomis and Infusion controversy. This came as a result of several comments from disgruntled locals who are tired of hearing of the subject. According to sources, VR will no longer be posting anymore articles about this incident. That is at least according to this post that was made just minutes ago.... The big question is whether this organization will keep thier promise or not. We know that they are a satiracle news source that strives to troll people with their parody news. They are also known to intentionally try to stir the pot. One commenter had it right when he said that they are just looking for fame. The Venango Republic was put off by this commenter. First, for the fact that true fame cannot be achieved in Western Pensylvania because the population is too small and insignificant for that to be possible. Secondly, because they want more than 15 minutes of everyone's time. According to the Venango Republic, they want to stir people to debate for hours. Another commenter also made a very good point when they said that The Venango Republic has no business covering such a story. The Venango Republic also responded to this commenter stating they "stuck their noses in nothing. They plug them everytime they come to Clarion and everywhere else in Western PA." It goes without saying that based on these responses made by The Venango Republic that they likely will not keep their promise not to post another article about the incident. Let's face it.... They are a satiracle news website that likes to be sarcastic for commical purposes. We have been trying to put them out of business for years but they keep successfully coming back. We have seen this time and time again. They are just here to troll and poke fun at everything in Western PA. We are sincerely sorry we have not been able to get them to stop.....