Will East Crawford Reintroduce Their Superweapon This Winter? How Should County Leaders Prepare?

The world was rocked last winter when East Crawford introduced a weapon never before seen in the fictional universe. A round substance made out of the white, fluffy stuff that falls from the sky was perfectly shaped into what Titusville's scientific geniuses called a snowball.

Despite several attempts, professors at Venango University could not replicate the creation of this massive superweapon, as the ball continuously changed into liquid when placed over a hot burner. Before long, Venango County and the rest of Western Pennsylvania found themselves at the mercy of this destructive weaponry, as the Cold War between the major superpowers of Northwestern Pennsylvania escalated into County War One.

Not long after this, an alliance was formed between East Crawford, Warren, and Elk County, known as the Zugnar Alliance. By combining their military strengths, each government slowly overthrew several independent nations to form the Elk Empire. The Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization stood no chance after the Elk military laid siege to Punxsutawney, obtaining the rights to the Groundhog Day Accords.

Western Pennsylvania in its normal state on the left. Elk Empire rule on the right.

Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization (PLATO) in blue. Zugnar Alliance in red.

With the ability to extend winter past its six-week deadline, Elk County enabled East Crawford to produce snowfalls for the entire duration of County War One.

Fortunately, Mayor Dumbdumb is an idiot and forgot to continue his production of the snowball when summer rolled around. This means that the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization could successfully take back their territories by using stealthful tactics that the Zugnar Alliance was unprepared for.

Jefferson County's Tunnel Hogs, who specialize in burrowing beneath the ground, collapsed every city in Jefferson County and South Clarion, driving the Elk military back into their nation of Elk County, leaving Mayor Bighorn with no empire to rule.

Mayor Phil of Punxsutawney praises Jefersons Military for taking back their land

With summer more than halfway to its completion, the question remains if Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville will attempt to reintroduce the snowball as a weapon utilized to overthrow Western Pennsylvania. Not only is the nation of East Crawford ahead of everyone in the space race after launching a rocket ten feet in the air, but now they have the potential to overthrow entire counties if a similar substance cannot be created comparable to the snowball.

The counties that should be most concerned over the matter are West Crawford and Erie, both of which Dumbdumb has desired to unify as the Crawfordian Union. Should Dumbdumb use the snowball on anyone, it will likely be those counties in particular.

Elk County soldiers chase Venango Military out of West Crawford

Mayor Dogfood of Meadville has already taken the initiative to reinforce the border of West Crawford by stacking extra bags of Meow Mix to a height of six feet.

Erie, however, is facing their own intercountial conflict, with townships in their region on the verge of civil war. The giant Mall Gun in Kearsarge, Pennsylvania, is raising tensions between the neighboring cities of Millcreek and Erie. Mayor Wastecash of Millcreek, Pennsylvania, says that he refuses to disassemble or turn the Mall Gun away, as it is the only way to ensure Erie remains subject to his will.

Millcreek's giant Mall Gun

Erie has attempted to sabotage the Mall Gun several times this year, with their most recent failure involving an agent dropping a pool noodle outside of JCPenney's storefront. Fortunately for the Millcreek residents, the pool noodle did not explode. However, the attempt did nothing to help the townships resolve their differences.

Millcreek residents take cover leaving only thier bodies exposed to pool noodle

Should Mayor Dumbdumb attack Millcreek and Erie during their escalated tensions? Experts say the invasion could devastate the nation, which is already struggling to remain unified. This would be an opportune time for Mayor Dumbdumb to send his military into the northern neighboring county to overthrow their conflicting governments.

Western Pennsylvania may not have many ways to prepare for the oncoming conflict, given that the former treaty almost crumbled to the Zugnar Alliance. Erie's place in the conflict seems insignificant at this time. However, should Mayor Dumbdumb discover the Mall Gun, it could mean massive snowballs landing everywhere in Western Pennsylvania. Hence, why it is crucial for Millcreek and Erie to resolve their differences as soon as they can.