What You Missed at Oil Heritage Fest

Oil Heritage Fest kicked off with a parade stretching for mile (a plural would be a bigger stretch than the parade) with cars and floats ready to see if they had enough life to make it to Seneca Street. Spoiler alert: they didn't. Seneca Street had to come to them.

The first float in the parade immediately required attention after getting a flat from a pothole 2 feet in front of its parking space. Consequently, all vehicles got flats at least three times on their way to Seneca Street making this the longest parade in the history of the town. The potholes have since been ignored as usual.

Following the parade, residents made their way to the venders in town square. All ten tents sold unique items uncommon for anything found in sensible product lines. Mary Environmentalcase, a local soap maker and dealer, made multiple sales to people who pretended to care about natural ingredients for the duration of the weekend.

In another tent located way on the other side of town square (almost a whopping 10 feet), Jenifer IthinkImcreative made multiple sales on homemade earings designed with tabs she took off soda cans.

The section of town where people could get concessions consisted of one food truck, which was more like a 70s Volkswagon van that those amatuer garage bands used to tour in. Visitors had the option of homemade casserole, some kind of slop, and a diet cream soda. Customers elected to just drink from the river.

The stage at the park featured a number of local bands nobody has ever heard of..... Enough said......

As for the event sponsors, their sales increased by roughly one man who had no idea those products were available in his county. The man has since ditched a lifetime subscription to Amazon Prime so he can support the local businesses which are closed Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

The weekend festivities ended with a firework display, which really was just a projector showing animated lights dispersing in opposite directions. Ok, so that didn't actually happen this weekend. But they did do this for New Years in 2017 and pretended it was impressive. It was all over facebook and only local enthusiasts tried to act like it was cool. It wasn't.