What Santa Means to Venango Residents

The holiday season brings about many traditions, along with sentimental beliefs. With this comes religious perspective and non-religious. One of the more prominent traditions is the belief in Santa, a fat man in a red suit that requires 12 reindeer to pull his weight.

For many in our world, Santa exists at the most northern point of our planet in frigid cold temperatures with his elves and reindeer. However, Venango County, in a recent study, was discovered to believe that life does not exist beyond the Clarion border, causing the Venango Republic to ask: where do people in Venango County think Santa lives?

Several of our fictional staff members went into the neighborhoods of Franklin, Cochranton, Oil City, Rouseville, and Seneca, PA. After conducting several surveys from all 52 residents that make up the county, the Venango Republic found conclusively that everyone believes Santa and the North Pole are located in Clarion, PA.

Researchers at Clarion University state that they are not surprised by the results of our survey. Several professors say that they have tried to convince many of the residents to come to Clarion University to educate themselves on the vastness of Western Pennsylvania, which to Clarion University is the entirety of Earth’s existence. Unfortunately, every response they get back comes with the assertion that even the professors do not exist.

With the data in place, the Venango Republic can safely conclude that Venango County’s version of Santa will, in fact, be able to cover every single house in the world in one night, assuming that planet Earth has been greatly exaggerated by textbooks.