What a Civil War Will Do to Venango County’s Status

The Venango States of America has suddenly been crippled and is no longer declared Western PA’s superpower. According to sources, the recent split between the northern and southern townships has impacted Venango’s influence among the surrounding counties.

With the southern townships recently seceding over the library tax Oil City wants to impose on Cranberry, President Mayor Blunders is having a difficult time reaching the southern border to complete his border wall to prevent Butler immigrants from entering the county. Additionally, the recent conflict between Mercer and Butler over juice and hummus lovers is one that Mayor Blunders is no longer capable of helping to resolve.

Just a few miles north of Oil City, many are fearing that the conflict between Oil City and Titusville will also escalate now that the county is split in two. Experts say that the deployment of Venango County’s military to the southern townships may cause East Crawford to attempt a breach of Venango County’s border treaty agreement. If so, experts estimate that Western PA’s other superpower, governed by Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville, may try to capture as much as 20 feet of Venango County’s land, asserting dominance over the region.

Forest County states that they will not be sending any troops in support of the Northern cause—mainly because their own military is down to one man who spends most of his days sleeping. Additionally, they are still trying to figure out how to get two troops back to Titusville who invaded five months ago and have been stuck there ever since.

As for Clarion County, they say they are prepared to send aid to both Southern and Northern Venango County, but only because they love how ridiculous this war sounds. As one of the most intellectually advanced counties in the region, Clarion states that they find the primitive nature of Venango County to be the locals' only form of entertainment. Clarion says it is willing to fund as many Nerf guns and spitball hand grenades as the North and South portions of Venango County need, in hopes that this conflict will last for years.

Now that the conflict between the North and Southern townships has begun, the entire world of Western Pennsylvania is watching closely to see if the newly formed nation of the Venango States of America can hold up so soon after its own secession from the United States of America. So much is riding on President Mayor Blunders’ shoulders. Can he preserve the Union, or will the South succeed in their secession from the Venango States of America to form their own nation of the Illiterate States of America? This is the dumbest thing that’s ever happened in the county.