Westmoreland County Requests More Land West: Allegheny Denies Request

"They just won't stop asking!" Mayor Steelhead told the press yesterday after once again receiving a call from the political powers that be in Westmoreland County.

The natives to Westmoreland are obsessed with getting more land, but it always has to be westward of their current county. Despite being offered land north, south, and east of their current location, they always reject such offers and instead pester Allegheny instead.

"We just can't get enough of land in the west," Mayor Expansion of Hempfield told the press. "Perhaps it's the hemp we grow in the field. We are obsessed with moving westward to get more land, but are always getting offers from people everywhere else on the compass!"

According to Mayor Expansion, his people have nothing against the counties north, south, and east of their territory. It's just that their bloodline has always expanded west, making it a tradition for their people.

"If we expand north, it must be northwest. If we expand south, it must be southwest. We would only ever consider moving east if it were possible to do it westward. That's how obsessed we are!"

Mayor Steelhead isn't having it. After eighteen years of daily calls requesting permission to expand, he is ready to throw out the phone. Despite having a head of iron (that is an understatement), he is mentally exhausted from constantly having to say no.

Mayor Steelhead exhausted to the point of mispelling Pittsburgh

"I am mentally exhausted from having to say no," Steelhead told our reporter just before dipping his head in a bucket of rust.

The barrage of questions is not enough to justify political sanctions. Nonetheless, Steelhead may consider uninviting Mayor Expansion from his yearly metalhead concert. He hopes the threat will be enough to resolve the matter.