Voodoo Concert Disrupted by Drunk Guy

The city of Erie faced the dilemma of two village idiots running rampant in the town during Saturday's Celebrate Erie festivities. An unidentified man, who we will refer to as Natural Intoxication, rushed the stage during a performance at the Voodoo Bar and Grill.

The Venango Republic has already covered the story pertaining to the first idiot in our last article. It was our creator who managed to lose his car.

In this instance, the second idiot posed greater dangers to the public, as protecting band members required the intervention of a 45-year-old beefcake and a skinnier bar owner with the same name.

“He put up a fight, until I managed to squeeze him,” states the beefcake, who probably could have handled the situation on his own.

Several participation trophy winners tried to help the best way they knew how, by jumping on the man and slowing the beefcake's progress to the exit. Meanwhile, the band continued playing, as if the confrontation taking place in front of the stage could not be seen.

“The guitar I was using, I got for Christmas,” states Josys Onvacation, lead guitarist for Tapped In. “But if I had an older guitar, I would have smacked him across the room.”

The bar owner was the first of the group to be assaulted when the perpetrator allegedly grabbed his wrist.

“He grabbed my wrist,” states Majic Voodoo Johnson, owner of the Voodoo Bar and Grill. “I had no choice but to push him away, for fear that he could crush me with his 500-finger death punch.”

It was at this moment, the beefcake intervened, dragging the perpetrator towards the exit. On the way, the perpetrator managed to grab a hold of a tent he hoped to take as an offering for his lifelong restraining order. A state of the art recreation of the event can be seen below without the use of AI.

“I am just so proud that my beefcake was present to help protect everyone from this dangerous monstrosity, who assaults bands and tents with the same aggression,” states the wife of the beefcake, who removed the said man.

The perpetrator was arrested at the scene of the crime, but evidently released later that day. We say evidently because he tried returning to the same bar, where police were once again dispatched to arrest him again.

It's unclear if the perpetrator has been set free a second time. In the event that he has, we ask that if you see someone acting as if they have had a sip from the object in the picture below, please call Jenny at 8675309.