Venango's Youngest Military Member Spotted in Tionesta Bar

Venango County's contribution to County War 1 is failing miserably after little Timmy was spotted at Cougar Bobs in Tionesta. According to one commenter, the military member sent to Marienville is now heading the wrong way. Despite being dropped off closer to Marienville, he is deviating closer to Tionesta.

Little Timmy shocked the world by heroically ending the siege of Franklin Pennsylvania more than a week ago. When all other military personnel struggled to combat East Crawford's one soldier, 9 year old Timmy bravely ran directly into enemy spitfire and shot the opposition in the face with a spitball. The soldier instantly died of Covid, and Timmy was elevated to the 4th grade.

The shot that saved Franklin

In honor of Timmy's heroic efforts, he was assigned the task of traveling to Marienville Pennsylvania where East Crawford troops have laid siege to the industrial city. Forest County has struggled in the war due to their primitive form of life. Timmy's mother dropped him off at the edge of Allegheny National Forest where Venango officials have not heard from him.

Today, Timmy was spotted closer to Tionesta by one of our own followers. According to Ralph, Timmy was last seen at Cougar Bobs in Tionesta. For those unfamiliar with the geographical makeup of the region, Tionesta is the complete opposite direction Timmy was instructed to go in. Worse yet, he is 9 years old and somehow snuck his way into a pub.

Timmy's mother has expressed disappointment stating that she knows he has a good sense of direction. According to her, Timmy is a former Boy Scout and knows to look for moss on the trees. For this reason, nobody left him a map.

President Mayor Blunders of Venango County has not commented on the situation. Experts are calling for him to remove Timmy's honors for saving Franklin from the enemy. Others are advocating for Timmy believing that he may have just forgotten which side of the tree the moss is supposed to grow on. Whatever the case, he is far from his objective, and Marienville is still in the enemy's hands.