Venango Residents Discover Sun Still Exists After Week of Cloud Cover

It was a shock unlike any other. Residents all over the industrial cities of Venango County reported a feeling of surprise when they discovered that the Sun still shines.

An entire week of cloud cover and heavy rainfall stretching all over the dried-up oil region left locals believing they would never see daylight again. However, when the clouds moved away, they were caught off guard to find that the rain did not put out the Sun. Instead, the Sun withstood all the wetness that had occurred.

"I genuinely thought that our famous fireball had met its match," says Local Dunce, who doesn't realize he just told a pun.

With observers not realizing that the Sun is 94 million miles away — primarily because no one in the county has made it past the second grade — the Sun withstanding days of downpour leads many to believe that it has invincible fortitude. Local officials are announcing plans to fly there and see if it can be a safe haven in the case of an attack. They just don't know how to get off the ground yet.

Also, who the heck is going to attack us you weirdos? The people trying to knock sense into us?