Venango Republic to Hire on "Shrug Lady" for Public Complaints

The Venango Republic has recieved criticism over the last few months for their misinformation on local affairs. We pride ourselves on our ability to insincerely deliver accurate news in ways that are totally different than what exactly is true. Recently however, the public outcry has become so concerning, we have tried looking for ways to deal with the criticism.

Our creator, who we will refer to as the man whose existence we deny, has asked people in the comment section of public Facebook posts to help inspire fictional staff members who can deal with public disgust. At one point, we even asked a lady to let us copy and paste her pitbulls faces to the bodies of body builders so we could hire them as security guards. She never responded. Their pictures are below with blurred faces.

Dog waiting for his owner to approve contract

Today, a woman, who will refer to as Mrs. Forest Pope, gave us permission to create a character who can shrug at people who voice their grievences with our organization. Meet Mrs. Shruggarty, a local cat lady who shrugs at people complaining about our content, then turns and shrugs at us too. Why we are paying her, we don't know.

Why she's hired? We don't know either....

Mrs. Shruggarty will begin tommorow. She will stand on the corner of the crumbling Catholic church in Oil City we falsly claimed to purchase as our headquarters. She will do nothing but shrug all day at people passing by.