Venango Military Engages East Crawford; Soldier Breaks Toenail

Venango County forces have made their first move in the war with East Crawford. After returning from their week-long nap at the border on Route 8, Laurel and Hardy, who make up 2/3rds of the Venango County Military, attacked the north side of Oil City in an attempt to drive East Crawford out. Consequently, they just drove them further into the county instead.

During the week-long absence of the Venango County Military, the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization banded together for the defense of Oil City. West Crawford arrived with five soldiers to protect Veterans Bridge. They have since lost the bridge and were barely holding onto East Front Street before the Venango Military provoked East Crawford.

Now, as Venango pushes East Crawford back, East Crawford pushes West Crawford back. The armies are almost up Seneca Hill in the attack/retreat.

Meanwhile, the Clarion County Military is being pushed further towards Franklin. East Crawford’s one military man sent to attack Route 8 has progressed as far as Eaten Park. Now the welfare families have nowhere to eat.

The Venango County Military has conducted five assaults today. They have bravely stood in the face of spitball fire while losing only one toenail in the engagement. According to sources, Stan Laurel accidentally scraped it on the pavement because he wore flip-flops today.

Mayor Blunders of Oil City, and self-declared President of the Venango States of America, has been evacuated to Cranberry’s capital building, which also acts as the so-called “Mall.” Blunders says he intends on fortifying the potholes outside as military trenches and traps to catch the enemy.

Soldiers are exhausted, but no lives have been lost to date. With Oil City back in the hands of Venango County, it now seems Seneca and Franklin are at risk of compromise.