Venango County Regains Territory, Immediately Retreats

President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America issued an executive order early Monday morning to recapture lost land now under control of the Elk Empire. In a press briefing, Blunders stated that the operation was top secret, but that it would consist of one soldier attempting to regain a portion of Route 8 roughly an hour from the time of his speech.

When word came to Blunders that the plan had been compromised and that Elk military were on their way to protect Route 8 on both sides of Oil City, Blunders ordered Oliver Hardy of the Venango States military to retake Cranberry, Pennsylvania. This operation proved very effective for approximately three minutes before Hardy was driven back by another branch of the Elk military.

For a temporary period, Venango County could say that it regained a portion of its former territory. Oil City residents celebrated the crowning achievement, noting that the heroism of Oliver Hardy was one never before seen in Venango States history. Mayor Blunders will be awarding Oliver Hardy the Congressional Medal of Honor, which technically is just a 10% coupon to McDonald’s.

As for the teritory we recently lost again, Blunders intends to keep taking it back every time Elk troops withdraw. Venango will celebrate every time it is our again.