Venango County Recognizes Cornhole as a Competetive Sport

It's been four months since the mayor of Oil City signed an executive order to secede from the United States to form the Venango States of America. In that time, so much has been done to try and shape the identity of our new unrecognized nation. Mayor Blunders not only raised the county's military to 9 soldiers in preparation for a civil war that never took place, mainly because Washington did not take his secession seriously, but he also created the county's first Declaration of Independence, which he sent to the government with his tax return.

Out of all the major moves Mayor Blunders has done to make this new nation stand out, the most recent seems to be one that will grab the attention of the locals. During a press briefing early Friday morning, Mayor Blunders declared cornhole as the new national sport. Venango County residents were thrilled by the news, seeing that they have no money to afford any other kind of sport.

"We are so thrilled to be identified by this competitive competition," states one local who hasn't eaten in a month. "To be called a nation that identifies as home of the cornhole champions is a title to be proud of."

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Obviously, nobody is calling this nation the "home of the cornhole champions" because we don't have cornhole champions, and we are not recognized as an independent nation. Unfortunately, Mayor Blunders has instilled this delusion in the local residents that we are an independent nation and the community is eating it up.

One resident was seen earlier this week waving a plain white flag and wearing a t-shirt that says "weave gut ur cornhole." When asked if the resident realized that a plain white flag meant surrender, he replied, "It isn't plain. It has stains all through it from me blowing my nose!"

There is no doubt that the community is excited about the idea of becoming an independent nation. Fortunately for the welfare users, the United States government has not recognized our independence. With welfare being the second highest inflow of finances for the county next to drugs, we can be sure that our infrastructure will not be impacted any time soon.