Venango County Attacks Titusville: Somehow Find Themselves In Butler

Mayor Blunders has officially gone on the offensive in the war efforts against Eastern Crawford County. This came after Eastern Crawfords failed invasion of Venango resulted in two of their soldiers falling into the Cranberry Mall potholes where they have not been seen since.

Mayor Blunders of Oil City stated earlier this week that with Seneca and Pleasantville in enemy hands, it is necessary to take the offensive approach and attack. Two troops were instructed to march onto the City of Titusville with heavy spitball weaponry in hand. The two set out yesterday morning and just reported in minutes ago.

According to the report, the two soldiers went the wrong direction and are currently stranded in Butler. Mayor Blunders of Oil City is gathering all available resources to try and get the two soldiers back. Unfortunately, the only resources available are a skateboard and can of beans. Blunders has instructed his troops to eat up the can of beans in hopes that the gas build up will propel the skateboard in a forward motion.

While we are waiting for the two soldiers to return, it is expected that Eastern Crawfords capital of Titusville will attempt another attack this week. This of course depends on whether our news writers can think of any other ridiculous stuff to write for our platform.