Two-Vehicle Pileup: Driver Cited for Getting Too Close

No, the picture is not of the incident. But if Explore Clarion can use clickbait, why not us?

Forest County - A two-vehicle collision took place Thursday afternoon in a town that has nothing better to report. According to Marienville State Police, a 2016 Chevrolet Silverado was traveling north on RT 157 when it instinctively decided to slow down and pull into a driveway. The fateful decision resulted in a crash that hurt no one but the cars.

Local troopers noted that Forest County barely ever gets publicity and decided to offer this information to Explore Clarion. Explore Clarion evidently had nothing worthwhile to write and decided to deliver an entire piece on the incident, managing to write eight paragraphs.

Unreliable sources suggest that the author of the story deserves a raise, considering he managed to extend a three-sentence story to a length that was incredibly unnecessary. Despite the story offering nothing interesting for readers to chew on, he did manage to create a piece with more content than if he simply wrote "blah blah blah" eighty times.

Experts are predicting that mental health counseling may be needed to ensure the journalist doesn't lose self-esteem from the mockery this content deserves. Explore Clarion has been known to use escalating language to describe meaningless occurrences. Oddly, they never seem to successfully exaggerate situations without sounding like complete idiots.

The article admits no injuries resulted from the incident, making the story's only justification that the vehicle was driving too close. With no picture of the damage, Explore Nothing pretended that a ticket amounting to less than one hundred and fifty bucks equates to a drunk driver committing manslaughter.

Welcome to the world of online click bait being advertised as news. That's what the industry defines as a "feeding frenzy," performed under the category of "sensationalism." But hey, since nothing consistently happens in your boring region, we'll just keep justifying the unethical journalism with the fact that your town is small.

Question: if you have nothing better to report, doesn't that suggest your existence is unjustified? Oops! I guess since it's a small town and you know people, that means I have to support the narrative that this is good journalism. Don't want to hurt your feelings. Clarion being a small town gives journalists that diplomatic immunity.