Toby’s Bar and Grill Warns Against Unwanted Advances — and yes, they smelled your breath first.

Clarion Township’s most respected establishment for high-class alcoholic beverages, spicy chicken wings, and a pointless walkway at the edge of their building has issued a public warning that a violation of common sense will not be tolerated. Perpetrators will be barred from the bar.

A public statement was made by Toby Hill's Bar and Grill, citing that they have experienced an uptick in local creeps. According to sources, this statistic is verified by the fact that those same creeps can no longer visit Infusion.

"I sincerely thought that Clarion Township was becoming a much more civilized region where men earned the respect of women by demonstrating a professional character," states the bar owner, who did not actually say this. "Then it occurred to me. None of the people who work hard to achieve a degree from the university stay in this town when they graduate because we don't have jobs to justify those degrees. In fact, once Infusion's bar closed, the creeps started popping out of the wood again."

Toby Hill is fearful that if the Infusion creeps continue to attend their bar, they not only will freak out customers, but also cause their clean restrooms to become just as distasteful as the ones Infusion never cleaned after customer hangovers.

"We pride ourselves on the quality of our toilets," states another employee who doesn't exist. "Our bathrooms are so well maintained, we sometimes forget germs exist."

With Infusion creeps suddenly migrating to other bars in town, many are asking why Toby's is the one having to make this public statement. According to experts, other bars in town have utilized natural deterrents in the personalities of their workers that can clear a room quicker than a local dud. Additionally, this doubles great for Christmas when the bar scene needs its own negativity scene.

As for the bar everybody loves, Toby's best deterrent is their direct voice against such inappropriate behavior. Being as perfect as Jesus—if He were a bar—Toby's knows they can safely address this matter in a professional way without hiring pricks to deter the other pricks. That's probably why people love it there, along with the fact that their food and atmosphere are spectacular.