Titusville Mayor Reveals Why He Invaded Venango

Titusville — Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville has finally announced his intent behind the invasion of Venango County. In a press briefing this morning, Dumbdumb revealed to the Crawford Carnage his objective in overthrowing the Venango Aeronautics and Space Administration, otherwise known as VASA. After a year of disputing with Mayor Blunders of Oil City, Dumbdumb felt that it was time to show his might by sending two military men past the border patrol to overtake Oil City.

The result of the invasion has been an all-out county war with only a dead horse to report as a casualty. Two of Dumbdumb’s top military men have searched the north side of Oil City thoroughly, but could not seem to find the VASA research facility before Venango drove them out of town. To be honest, it's probably because they don't know how to read.

Titusville military searching Oil City 4 weeks ago

When addressing the press today, Dumbdumb declared that only Titusville’s space program, known as TASA, can reign supreme in the contest of space travel. East Crawford states that they are already working on a rocket that can launch 25 feet into the air, which will exceed last year’s model by 15 feet. Dumbdumb’s frustration is that if the Venango County moon landing was not faked, then they have exceeded that height by at least 30 feet.

Dumbdumb’s objective is to ensure that Venango County does not make it to space again. This is why the invasion took place, and why the northern portion of the county is now considered New East Crawford. While Mayor Blunders could end this war by promising not to do space travel anymore, he has chosen to remain silent by pretending to be a rock. Politicians have pleaded with him to let VASA go, but chances are, he won't speak unless he's hit with a hammer and chisel.