Titusville Bedspread Production Put On Hold After Factory Covered in Blanket of Snow

The Crawford Carnage reports that the Titusville factory specializing in bedspread underwear is officially closing until further notice. This came after several workers were unable to find the front door to their cars.

"We were planning to resume production of bedsheets Monday morning," states Mr. Diesel. "No one in the county can find their driveways. Meanwhile, our factory is covered in mounds of snow."

Spring Street view of the bedspread factory parking lot

With no underside bedding for locals to purchase, many are turning to unused newspaper from the town hoarder.

"It's a hard sacrifice," Gottalotta Garbage told the press while looking for her remote in a pile of canned goods. "I've had those newspapers for decades, except for the ones I've had less than a decade."

Mrs. Garbage looking for her shoes in half century old cans

The newspaper is not the most ideal choice for people looking for a good night's rest. Nonetheless, locals say it's better than sleeping on a naked mattress. The upside is that anyone wetting themselves will have something other than the mattress to absorb the fluids.

The reopening of the bedspread factory is still uncertain at this point. Mr. Diesel wants to get back to production as soon as he can find his pet poodle in the backyard. By then, it is believed the snow should be melted enough to get Sheetz running again.