State Police Warn Locals Not to Use Roads as Slip-and-Slides

Weather conditions have left the roads dangerously slippery. According to news outlets, the pavement outside can no longer be trusted to sustain vehicles trying to floor it at 85 per hour. To help keep drivers safe, State Police have issued a statement with recommendations on how to stay safe on the roads.

The first area of concern for drivers is that everyone makes sure to have their own flame thrower on the front end of their car. This is not necessarily to melt any snow, but to instead burn any deer or pedestrians trying to cross the street without looking.

The second recommendation is to carry a crow bar. This way, if one does crash, they have a way to break the window of someone elses so that they will not be stranded.

Finally, police are asked road hogs to avoid using public roads as a slip and slide to play bumper cars. Though safety is a concern, they really issued this because they are tired of cleaning up everyones mess.

Drive safe and be slow like a soccer mom in Western PA.