Sitting Down With the Stone Face of the Venango Republic

Former president of the United States and South Dakota tourist attraction, George Washington, has had a long life of diverse career choices. Ressurected in the 1940's during the Government funded project to put presidential faces into Mount Rushmore, Washington has spent the last 70 years sitting with an expressionless face. A extend period of just sitting while staring at nature was obviously a boring activity for George, which is why he left South Dakota in 2021 to become a stone mason for satiracle news.

After the pandemic, Washington started the Outdated News Network. Believing that old news is still news, Washington felt that the Outdated News Network would help remind people of issues that are no longer relavent. Instead, people shared the headlines as if they were current news failing to read the dates listed in the articles. Washington was faced with a multitude of lawsuits but managed to get off because he classifies as an inanimate object.

The Outdated News Network eventualy stuggled to find outdated news to report. The limitation in breaking stories from the last fifty years put the network to a standstill until 2025. Washington then signed with the Venango Republic as the official stone mason of the network. We litterally have no idea what we need a stone mason for. Regardless, we hired him because it is freaking hilarious.