Seneca Hospital Must Resort to Hiring Doctors

ICUP in Seneca says that they have no choice but to hire doctors. After several cases of not knowing how to deal with patients in the ICU, the hospital has determined that they must reach out to surrounding counties to find medical experts.

"We have gone many years without medical experts on staff" says Mr. Wong, some random guy we handed a paper to read this quote from "Venango County has no smart people living in it. Now, we have no choice but to ask smart people to come to us."

The ICUP Hospital had several instances of patients going untreated this week due to a lack of knowledge. One child went without their flintstone vitamins because the medical personnel could not figure out how to get the cotton out of the bottle.

In another case, a man came in with fever temperatures soaring at 115. When the staff saw the high temperature, they resorted to various methods of lowering the temperature. Medical personal first tried using an ice bath thinking hypothermia would reverse the effects. When the temperatures got worse, they then tried to fight fire with fire. When the man's skeletal remains came out of the incinerator, the staff determined his fever was gone. Unfortunately, he had died of covid during the process.

"We just can't seem to figure out how to help people anymore" says another person we handed a quote to "the issue is that nobody in our region has passed the 2nd grade and we are still trying to achieve higher levels of academic success."

It is unclear if Venango County will ever see any doctors again. The region has suffered due to the lack of resources over the years. What can be determined is that until medical experts arrive, locals will have to depend on their survival instincts to continue on as a people...... Yeah..... We're all dead.....