School Canceled Due To Dead Squirrel

The local Board of Education has canceled school today due to a dead squirrel on Orange St. The squirrel died sometime last night and is laying on the side of the road the city school bus crosses every morning. The Board of Education made this decision due to the frailty of the 70 year old bus whose engine is hanging on by a bungee chord.

The last time an animal died in the road, it took officials 12 hours to have it removed. Officers warn that the city bus is so fragile, hitting the squirrel could cause all 4 wheels to fall off. While proposals were made to drive around the squirrel, city officials feared it would waste too much fuel on a tax payer budget.

Mayor Blunder said in a statement that plans are underway to have this squirrel removed before the end of the day. "Our local adults need to complete the 3rd grade. We've been waiting 30 years for this and we can't let a dead animal stand in our way."

Authorities are skating up the hill as we speak and will likely be there by dinner time. If the removal is successful, local residents can return to school tomorrow morning.