Oil City National Bank Soon to Serve Alcohol to Clients

Oil City National Bank is taking a new approach in attracting new account holders. It has been revealed that the building which has been vacant for the last hundred years will try to draw in consumers using alcohol.

"We were tired of waiting for people to walk in" said the bank manager "it's almost like the community forgot we existed."

The manager of the bank has thought long and hard about a strategy to get locals interested in money again. "We realize that the towns new form of currency is alcohol. There are 6 sketchy bars on the north side alone, so it makes sense to appeal to that audience."

The manager hopes to remind potential clients about the joys of having money saved. His primary target is the councilman who exhibit compulsive spending disorders. For evidence of this claim, click here..... and here........................ aaaaaaaaaaand here.................................................................................................................................................... and here......

Eventually, the councilman will be exposed to the concept of savings accounts and hopefully eased into the concept of intelligent spending........ and here......

Overtime, the towns folk will also learn what it means to have more than 2 cents in their pockets. This of course will take time because the mindset of alcohol is ingrained in the citizens.

Renovations are taking place as we speak. For the actual story about the bank that's been out of business for ten generations, go to the non-satirical source we constantly dump on, Explore Venango.