Oil City Mayor Signs Order to Become President of Venango County

In another attempt to secede from the Union and form the Venango States of America, Mayor Blunders has signed an executive order declaring himself President of Venango County. The Mayor had successfully seceded last week for about a day before accidentally ordering too much lomein from China City and driving up Venango's debt to 35 trillion.

Pensylvania refused to accept Venango back as a county of the state after the unexpected increase of their debt. Blunders then reached out to Washington D.C. requesting to be let back into the Union. Because Mayor Blunders failed to mention his debt, Washington obliged and now has increased the national debt to 70 trillion all because our stupid Mayor bought too much lomein.

Now that the debt to China City belongs to Washington D.C. Mayor Blunders is again trying to succeed from the Union. Blunders has written the state several times this week and has not heard back because he keeps forgetting it's Monday.

We drove down to the capital of Harrisburg where Mayor Blunders is threatening to enforce Terrifs if the Governor does not comply with his secession. The Pensylvania Governor showed us all the letters Mayor Blunders writes him every week which he keeps in a special box called the trash can.

We asked the Governor what his fears are regarding the Terrifs Mayor Blunders is attempting to put on Harrisburg. The Governor looked at us puzzled, raised an eyebrow, then with a big smile said "HA! I wasn't sure how serious you were!" The truth is, we weren't. We know Mayor Blunders is a moron.

After our Meeting with the state Governor, we got back in our car to return to Venango County where we will regrettably rejoin this community. The Governor wished us luck on our sanity and thanked our satirical news outlet for being the only entertainment Venango has going for it.