Oil City Increases Police Budget by 5 Cents

The Oil City Police Department has just announced plans to raise its budget by five cents. The historic increase came after an officer found a quarter under the desk and generously donated part of it to the cause. The remaining 20 cents, according to sources, went toward a pack of gum.

“We don’t expect this to contribute much to our cause,” stated the Sheriff, “but it should be enough to get one and a half paper clips. That’s progress.”

City Council celebrated the budget boost with a catered dinner of tap water and crackers. Officials assured residents that the five-cent increase would trickle down to better law enforcement, though many remain skeptical.

“We’re told the extra funds will allow officers to replace one of the tires on the patrol car… with a used bicycle tire,” said one council member.

Other potential uses of the new budget include:

One bullet (if purchased on sale).

Half a flashlight battery (the bottom half).

A new shoelace for the K9 unit’s dog.

Three minutes of parking meter time downtown.

Local residents are divided over the increase. Some argue that the money should go toward pothole repair, while others believe the police need it to upgrade their walkie-talkies from “Fisher Price” to “slightly less Fisher Price.”

Regardless of the controversy, city leaders remain optimistic. “This is just the start,” said one official. “If we keep searching under the couch cushions at City Hall, we could raise this budget by as much as 15 cents next year. Oil City deserves that kind of vision.”