Oil City Declares State of Emergency After Discovering Town Has Been Out of Oil for 40 Years

The Oil City Mayor has just declared a state of emergency after realizing that the oil has been dried up for the last 40 years. According to sources, it suddenly clicked in the minds of locals that there is no oil left — which explains why the money has not been coming in for the last 4 decades.

“We genuinely thought that we were just as prosperous as the days when the oil industry was booming,” states one overenthusiastic local. “It was a genuine surprise to find that the industry does not exist anymore.”

Noting those expressing shock over the realization that there is no oil left, we now understand why people posed as if Oil City is some big metropolis. This really confused every single one of us who understands reality as it is.

With the state of emergency now in effect, locals aren't quite sure what to do. I mean, nobody’s really in danger, are they? We just don’t have any oil. Just like we haven’t had for the last 40 years.

Consequently, as a result of the oil being dried up, residents are being warned that they should potentially wear masks when they go outside because this helps for some reason. The local Giant Eagle also warns that anyone who uses a shirt will be flagged down even if the material is the exact same thing that a mask is made out of. They really don’t understand science, now do they?