Oil City Budget Too Low to Turn on Fountain this Year

The Summer is approaching, and what normally would be the time for our decrepit city to turn on the fountain will unfortunately be delayed for at least the next eternity. With the city debt higher than it has been in 30 years, and the coffee can containing the treasury funds still missing thanks to Mayor Blunders, the town must choose between the stupid lights on the Main Street bridge or the fountain. Unfortunately, the city did choose one of the two rather than letting well enough alone.

The cover to the fountain has been taken off to signify how much the city funds are drying up. People driving by have commented that they are happy the city is finally forced to stop wasting their money on running water. With the city water supply now down to a tiny jug, residents are hopeful they will be able to start saving water more productively compared to their finances. City officials on the other hand are discussion how to increase the water supply to run the fountain again. With the tax rate now at 100%, Mayor Blunders is considering an increase to 150% so he can run to the Clarion Walmart for a few gallons.

As for the bridge lights, residents are still waiting for the electric company to cut off the cities electricity due to their unpaid bill. In the meantime, residents will have to be satisfied with no power in their homes and no running water. With the bridge lights sucking the power out of the city and the fountain drying up the water supply, there is no doubt Oil City has become the biggest waste on planet Earth.