Northside Resident Purchases Floorboard

Oil City – A northside resident of Oil City has successfully raised the money to purchase a new floorboard. This came after months of praying for money to fall in their lap.

Eifel Thrufloor, a local man who walks with a limp, managed to find a twenty-dollar bill today when digging up his mother’s grave.

"I always dig up her grave to make sure she is decomposing," states Thrufloor. "Her body decomposed just enough this month for me to find the bill sticking out of her corpse."

Thrufloor immediately purchased a new board for his collapsing house, leaving him with 30 more to go in his living room. After the completion of his uncompleted project, Thrufloor stated that he wants to keep looking for money by digging up other graves.

"You never know if someone is going to accidentally be buried with denominations," states Thrufloor. "Maybe next time I will come across an entire dollar!"