New Business Opens Offering Quality Oxygen to Local Customers

You know them as the couple famous for her rich sugar-flavored cake people typically spit out. Donna Dogmat and Dennis Doormat have appeared on the cover of Hearse Magazine and were even featured on the fridge of Hearse Extended Family.

Today, the duo has officially announced the opening of a new quality oxygen sales service that Doormat wants nothing to do with. With real air being pushed out of the picture, one of them believes this is the future of sustaining personal stupidity.

“We're not likely to make any sales in the first lifetime,” states Mrs. Dogmat, who typically calculates an equal trade as her losing nothing while others give everything. “We managed to come away with the entire building when my husband sacrificed his T3.”

With 11 parts of his spine left, Doormat believes he has a lot to offer.

“I don't have a lot to offer,” states Doormat. “With no welcome mat at our front door, I am typically the one laying at the entrance. I can't tell you how many times I have been told to exit the building just to be walked all over.”

The quality oxygen business established by Doormat and Dogmat will feature a full selection of oxygen flavors ranging from the only flavor quality oxygen has to nothing else, because quality oxygen only has one flavor. When asked what motivated the sudden purchase of a storefront in the least logical town, Doormat had this to say....

“My wife never gives me a voice.”

Good old Doormat. Committed to the philosophy of “happy wife, happy life” as it comes at the cost of his self-worth.

The store will open as soon as Dogmat decides. Guests will be greeted by Doormat, who is expected to lay flat at the front entrance while also working the register at the opposite end of the building.